Those scores on the doors - even heavier than I thought. 2lbs more than my worst case scenario. Now, I know I'm quite coy about my weight but there are people who are not friends-in-fat who could read this blog. As it happens, I don't think the 3 close friends I told about this blog who aren't f-i-f read it any more, but still.... It's certainly nothing to be proud of.
Let's set it in context then. Last summer, after another go at Lighter Life I got to my lowest weight. I was starting to feel, if not slim, then normal. I was talking to naughty R last night, henceforth to be known as My Naughty Little Sister in homage to a childhood book (she isn't really related to me - it would be too cruel for her to have got all the gorgeous genes), who called this my 'comfort weight' which is exactly how it feels - the place where although I still want to lose plenty, I don't feel like a tub of lard on chubby legs and can be more emotionally relaxed about it all. Then there is the weight I was when I finished LL the first time. And then there's now - now is 1st2lbs heavier than when I finished LL and 1st12lbs heavier than that comfort weight.
And now I really have to put my back into it before my holiday. As I was cycling in today, I was gloomily thinking that I couldn't even rely on a sudden initial drop from carbs/glycogen. And then I went over what I've eaten the last few days:
Tuesday (business trip day 1)
breakfast - glass of apple juice, cheese and mushroom omlette and a piece of melon eaten at high speed as I ran for the door as we had been going since 6am and were already over-running
mid morning - 3 chocolates, 1 biscuit and an ice cream (all tastings as part of trip)
lunch - most of a small pasty, 3/4 sandwich, piece of banana cake. And I hate bananas but it had a chocolate topping on - a sophisticated bitter chocolate topping (I don't like bitter chocolate but still, it was chocolate...)
mid afternoon - 3 biscuits
dinner - gin and low cal tonic, amuse bouches (v v tiny), goats cheese baked in pastry (part of which was burnt and I discarded) with a small salad, glass of red wine, beef with cabbage and borlotti beans (about 6!), teeny tiny rhubarb and strawberry crumble with clotted cream. All the portions were lilliputian which was good I guess.
Wednesday (business trip day 2)
breakfast - 2 croissants, piece of cheese, glass apple juice, coffee
mid-morning - green tea
lunch - 1 1/2 sandwiches, handful crisps, flapjack, strawberries with clotted cream
mid afternoon- evening - 3 biscuits, small packet nuts, 1/2 pack maltesers
late evening when I got home - 2 slices of crappy white toast with butter and marmite, glass V8, almost 1/2 tub marscapone, nectarine
Thursday (back in office)
breakfast - 40g granola, muller light yoghurt
mid morning - coffee, nectarine, mini twix
lunch - Pret chicken salad, 8 lychees
mid afternoon - cereal bar with cranberries, macadamias and dark chocolate. Then just before I cycled home a light Alpen bar (got shakes last time I cycled and it was very unpleasant)
dinner - corn cob, artichoke, Diet chef meal, some frozen yoghurt a la diet girl, 8 pistachios
So actually, the bread and sugary rubbish of Tuesday and Wednesday (and Monday night's dinner was 2 biscuits and a sachet of hot choc at midnight) might mean that I do have a slightly faster initial loss - here's hoping. I do feel quite bloated - cycling was slightly uncomfortable this morning so maybe that means my system is more upset... Or maybe I'm clutching at (cheese) straws.
Today will be:
breakfast - yoghurt and granola (this is my usual breakfast)
mid morning - nectarine
lunch - salad of c200cals and piece of fruit
mid afternoon - light alpen bar
dinner - diet chef meal, roast courgettes, remaining yoghurt a la DG.
I'll food focus this as sometimes I think I've had next to no calories only to have a nasty shock when I tot them up.
This weekend holds only one pitfall - lunch at Brogdale on Sunday. I can have soup to make up for it in the evening and I intend to plead for a healthy Saturday evening meal with bf. Yes to wine, no to pudding (a skinny cow ice cream for me instead). And plenty of pleas and prayers to the god of diets (a capricious and despotic deity).