Day 21 - Intrepid

We went to go for our run last night and I nearly got blown into the Thames. That, the fact that b/f's elastic on his shorts had gone and the fact that the park was locked (early) made us turn back. But 6am this morning we were back there. At times I think I probably looked like a cartoon character where my legs were going but I wasn't moving (due to the ferocity of the wind) but we did it. And this is after I hurt my knee - or just below it - on Sunday and spent Monday limping about in some pain. My work friend, V, brave woman that she is (and former nurse) prodded it a bit and said she reckoned that I'd be okay to run if I strapped it up. So I did and I was. In fact the device - which was a bit like an uber tubie-grip - was more painful than I think my knee would have been unsupported. I was in quite a panic about it though - worried that I'd have to give up on week 2, how wussy and depressing would that be! I live to stumble on however..... (run 3 of week 2 scheduled for 6.15am Friday).

Diet is going okay but I am eating too many nuts and too much mascarpone. I've taken to putting a generous tablespoon of mascarpone in a mini bowl with some toasted flaked almonds on as 'pudding'. This is not good on a whole number of levels. Firstly, one of the central ethos' of this diet is to kill our sweet tooths (that doesn't work in abstract plural but you know what I mean) and this is keeping mine alive, well and kicking ferociously. Secondly, my weight isn't going down very spectacularly and this is therefore reinforcing that vicious circle engrained in my psyche of disappointment=food=disappointment etc etc, repeat ad lib to fade... I have been justifying it to myself by reasoning that you're allowed cream in coffee and cheese and so me having a couple of dollops of mascarpone (and I've moved from cream to mascarpone) is much the same thing. Part of me clings to that rationale but the hard truth is that the scales aren't really shifting. This could be just my body readjusting after pack-hell but could equally be due to the mascarpone frenzy. And I've been a bit too generous with nuts. A small portion once - or even twice - a day of the non carbiest nuts is okay but I've been doing the non-stop thing. So I've just finished a tub of mascarpone (started on Sunday/Monday) and won't buy any more - I have one portion of rhubarb to finish and then I won't buy that any more since the link is too strong for me. I'll have the final portion with cream but I'm going to have to watch that too since the temptation to have a couple of glugs is strong. And more portion control on nuts too I think.

I ate a mini egg today - just one. It was horrid and I spat it out. Aha! I thought, perhaps what IPD promises has come to pass and my tastebuds have changed and I will only like strong dark chocolate in minute quantities from now on. So of course I had to test this. I bought a mini bar of Green and Blacks Maya Gold chocolate and one of Butterscotch. I had 1/3 of the Maya and didn't like it and left the rest. By now I'm feeling slightly superior. Then I ate the whole of the Butterscotch one (35g bar, folks, not full sized) and enjoyed it. Sigh. Back to the no chocolate thing for me I think. I'm just ITCHING to find a substitute - it literally is driving me crazy (see mascarpone-madness stories above). I've got to get over this, got to, got to, got to.

I'm back to only 2lbs down (in 3 weeks almost). At the end of last week I had a brief flirtation with 4lbs down but the scales of doom are adamant that I will not get below that magic x+1/2st marker. I feel vaguely aggrieved because I feel the weight should be FALLING off with the effort put into running. Whereas in fact I'm still only running 6 mins in a period of 18 mins. Just because it's hard and miraculous for me doesn't seem to impress my body. Grrrr. We're definitely on different sides.

Weekend was okay - annoying but okay. My mother hadn't really planned for me to be there (the effort is feeling very one-sided) but I managed okay (sent her to Waitrose after having to have cheese for breakfast).

Yesterday's menu:
B - rhubarb and mascarpone
L - cheese and mushroom omlette, green salad
D - chilli bake (lovely, chilli with a kind of ground almond solid souffle on top) with sour cream, homemade guacamole and tomato salsa
Etc - too many almonds, too much mascarpone

Today:
B - rhubarb and mascarpone
L - parma ham, avocado and blue cheese salad
D - at my mother's. Fish apparently.
Etc - 2 marmite cheeses (genius cheese AND marmite), too many macadamias, small bar of G&B butterscotch chocolate and a piece of Maya gold

Must stop pushing those boundaries - at least as long as it takes to see the effect on the scales of doom.