Reader, I bought three more dresses. One is yet to be tried but all the rest were an emphatic no. So that was 7 dresses for the wedding, 1 of which I'm yet to try. For the party which is NEXT WEEK I kept one dress (of, um, 5 I think) which was... meh. Less awful than the others. That's probably as warm as I can be about it.
Maybe not everyone can wear dresses. But I look at instagram accounts etc of women roughly my size and they look GOOD in a dress. Why don't I? Yes, that's largely (ho, ho) rhetorical, but if you DO have insight, then please do, as they say, spill. Because I like dresses and they're easy (or should be).
I'm probably wearing a skirt I already have for the wedding. I have yet to sort a top to go with it. Fine-knit, smart knitwear anyone? I mean, where can I purchase such a thing? Probably navy. The only thing that has made my heart sing is the hat. I don't have it yet, but it looked lovely and I do love hats. The hat will make it look smart, right? I only wish I could feel the same about buying other stuff which, without wanting to sound overly hysterical, scars my psyche.
Tenuous link coming up....
I saw my mad professor today. The fat specialist. He's suggested that I "diet-cycle" and see if that works as my weight is currently creeping further up. We've agreed that I'll start with 6 months of SW as the least bonkers 'eat all this sugar and carbs as long as you don't touch evil fat' option - which is necessary for my blood sugar levels. I need to do some research for SW and will probably start - as is tradition - on Monday (giving me a chance to buy the designated stuff at the supermarket at the weekend). I'll be doing their low carb, high protein option (Red?) and any tips anyone has for breakfasts and lunches especially would be very gratefully received.
The worst part of this is that I will have to get intimate with Scales of Doom again. I do not think that languishing under the bed, unused and despised for several years will have altered their inherent evilness. Truth to say, I don't want to know what I weigh as I know it will send me into a real frenzy of self-loathing and an increased reluctance to leave the flat and face anyone. Equally, I know that the number on SoD will set my mood for the week: I will fear it and fret and get anxious before each WI and then either feel relief (and fear that it won't last) if the numbers are down, or misery and self-loathing if they are up. It's no weigh to live.
But neither is this.
My heart is beating faster - physically - with the thought of all this. Not in a good way - it's fear, pure and simple. I am DREADING the wedding and the party. I feel like I want to scuttle home and stay there as much as possible. I am trying to cajole myself into thinking I could lose a bit before these events but a) the party will be a mere 5 days after I start The Diet (the wedding 12 days) and b) I think we all know where that madness ends up.
I'm going to need you. I'll be reading your blogs and writing more frequently (insane work period permitting). Please let me have your blog addresses as I think I only have Seren's, Lesley's and Linz's at the moment.