It's my third starve day this week and it's killing me. Not literally you understand, I have - alas - rather a considerable fat store. Which is, of course, rather the point. Each starve day I wake up and think of reasons why I shouldn't do a starve day that day. By 'reasons' I mean 'excuses'. I don't act on them and I feel that's rather superhuman of me.
Of course, my actual superpower is imperviousness to all known diets and I can't say I can notice any difference from all this effort. I need to keep going though - it takes time, thats all. Right?
I tried on a top that was "neat fitting" when I took it on honeymoon and it's too tight now. I keep thinking about this as I sit here shuddering with hunger. It's a really nice top and it's also the tip of the iceburg. In fact, my entire wardrobe is an iceburg - you can only see the tip of it, most of it is in carrier bags stashed in the bottom of the wardrobe waiting for me to slim into them.
I haven't made it easy for myself today as I have had two coffees: this has meant no lunch and a very light salad planned for supper. I reckon a flat white is 120 cals and my frozen latte was 150 cals. This takes more than half my calorie allocation for the day. I have bought a Pret salad which was 134. I've got just under 100 calories left and I'm not very confident about the coffees so not sure how much I should use. I might go mad and buy a packet of Snackajacks - not actually filling but lots of flavour (LOVE strong salt and vinegar and I kind of pretend they're chips!).
Anyway, it's only a day of feeling like this and then it's the weekend. We have a 12+ mile hike planned tomorrow with a pub lunch half way round and a BBQ for supper. It's been a long week. I seem to spend most of my spare time applying for jobs which is really no fun at all (and accounts for yet another poor performance week of blogging updates). I would say I need a holiday but that's very greedy after our wonderful 3 weeks en route to and around the US. Still, bank holiday weekend we're off to Devon for fish, hiking and clotted cream - hurrah!
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2 comments:
Hi Peridot,
I've read your blog for what must be years now and it makes me sad how hard on yourself you are. Why are you punishing yourself in this way?
From my own experiences I know that we are never going to get far without liking ourselves a bit.
S x
I hope the job applications are going ok and that something wonderful comes of them. Your bank holiday weekend plans sound blissful. The starve days less so but huge admiration at your continued perseverance.
Sx
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