Feel the fear....

..... and then wuss out by utterly not confronting it and hoping it will go away.  The book only wasn’t called that because the title wouldn’t fit on the page, right?  So, I literally lie in a cold sweat every night (and intermittently during the day.  (Not the lying bit so much then)), worrying that my summer skirts won’t fit me in time for the honeymoon.  Now, a braver person than me would simply try the buggers on and then they’d know, one way or the other.  Reader, I am not that person.  Because by avoiding facing the truth, there’s still a glimmer of hope that all might be well you see.  But they’re all 16s and I’m mostly wearing 18s these days.  The prognosis is not good.  I’m going to have to bite the bullet.  One day.  Soon.
 
I did try on the larger of the two formal dresses I bought last summer in anticipation of the ship’s social shenanigans: it didn’t fit.  I do not love humiliation and grief so didn’t try the smaller one on (if I loved misery I am sure I would be a better dieter.  Or maybe not, thinking about the threat of misery eating.). 
 
So I’m taking all your advice and kind of distilling it (that doesn't mean ignoring the bits I don't fancy, honest).  I’ve bought a bronzey coloured dress for Formal Night#2 from ebay and am trying to buy something black and white for Formal Night#1 aka The Black and White Ball.  I missed out on one dress I actually liked as the bidding went too high – and it looks like it will happen again with a 2^nd.  The thing is, without knowing that it will suit me AND fit me, I’m loath to go crazy.  But my back up plan is this:
http://www.vivienofholloway.com/en/category/50s%20Halterneck%20Luxury%20Dress/1950s-halterneck-luxury-dress/977/
It’s champagne colour underneath (much warmer and kinder to my pallor than white) with black lace over the top.  I’d have to get a bolero jacket/top in black (booo) and hopefully that would make it smart enough for a ‘ball’ despite not being full length.  It has a slim chance of being worn again, despite the hated black I think.  And P suggests a coloured sash which is a rather nice idea.
 
But my cold sweats remind me that this is just a small part of the holiday; I need to have daytime outfits (which if I can get into those skirts will be fine.  Ish) and ‘informal nights’ outfits for the ship.  Informal does not seem to mean what I thought it did since it helpfully includes what that might be – and the words ‘cocktail dress’ are first up.  I had never considered a cocktail dress to be informal!  I’m working on the basis that I can wear a summer frock or a skirt and smart top rather than an actual cocktail dress.  And maybe I could accessorise it with an actual cocktail?  That’s as far as I’ve got.  I have a very nice kimono jacket but I suspect this will also be too small.  Oh blubber, get ye gone.
 
On that note, I’m doing pretty darn well on the sticking to the starve days and not careering joyously off-piste on the non-starve days.  I don’t think this actually translates to any weight loss though.  My clothes certainly don’t feel any different.  I’m keeping at it and kind of hoping that suddenly I’ll dump a load of weight before the end of May.  A stone and a half (or thereabouts) or a dress size would be perfect.