Down but not out

Thanks for the support.  Bloody dieting, why isn't it as easy as the women's mags would have you believe?  You know, you stop eating McDonalds for breakfast and lunch and a huge takeaway for supper and give up your daily bars of chocolate and crisps and hey presto, a mere few months later you're a grinning size 10.  Hmm.

Clearly that is not and never has been me.  I eat pretty frugally and get miserly results - if anything.  But given that the option is to carry on carrying on or to eat everything in sight and end up as a Channel 4 documentary narrated by a dour Geordie, carrying on it is.

Not that I've weighed myself recently, nor can I feel any discernable change in my clothes.  In fact I went shopping for a dress to wear to a friend's wedding in a couple of weeks and couldn't find a dress in Coast to fit me.  It was not a nice experience as I'd seen one I'd entertained vague hopes for and I could not find the heart to try anywhere else - I slunk home feeling very sorry for myself.  And what's even more annoying is that I have the savagely sized Vivien of Holloway one which would be perfect but is now too small.  I'm starting to get very nervous about finding suitable clothes for the liner.  I keep counting up on my fingers how many weeks and wondering how much I could lose.  Which is absurd as I don't think I'm achieving anything at the moment.  But you know how it goes as you bargin with the god of maths (who is in collusion with the god of diets).

Still, as that irritating little man said (loftily), there are rules of physics and several studies which show that if I'm doing what I said I am, I must therefore lose weight.  Grrrr.

Funnily enough, I am worried I eat too much on my non-starve days so that's a place to cut down (Seren, I know you sweetly suggested the contrary).  I'm still being exemplary on starve days - hold the gold star, just give me some lardage off please.  I do use fitness pal so I know absolutely that I come in under the 500 calorie mark on starve days.  I try to do 3 of these a week but occasionally it's 2.  Today P asked me not to do a starve day as I'm ill - if ever there were a get out of jail card!  I appreciate his concern but it's starve all the way today.  I can't afford any wavering or deviation if I'm to fully enjoy my honeymoon.  Okay, realistically I know that I'll still be - and feel - fat but I'd like at least to fit into the few dresses I have rather than running round like a lunatic at the last minute and buying stuff I hate and that makes me feel bad.  It's a loose plan.  It's the best I can do at the moment.