Saturday, 9 February 2013

Feast and famine

In the calmer discussion, P said that he suspected I would be on some diet for the rest of my life.  Well of course I will!  I've long come to terms with this and it hadn't really occurred to me that he would or could think otherwise.  Or at any rate, I will have to carefully monitor what I eat for ever.  But at the moment, weight loss seems a long way off.

You may remember, dear Reader, how I finally screwed up my courage and approached Scales of Doom: I was Very Fat.2lbs.  I've been pretty good this week - not crazy but careful and at the least 95% super super-strict, so I thought I'd have a sneaky peek today since I know there are a couple of hurdles - aka sociable eating occasions - over the weekend and wanted a truer picture.  I have put ON 1/2-1lb.  I am mystified and battling not to be totally discouraged by this.

And I am not going to be as good next week.  Today we're going to an interesting new bar which specialises in craft beer - P is learning (and by this I mean drinking!) about US beer ahead of our trip there.  They also specialise in proper welsh rarebit - essentially they have an extremely limited menu of salt beef or cheese things with sourdough.  I love a crazily focussed menu and am looking forward to my rarebit even whilst I fear the bread.  Tossing up whether to have half a cider (artisanal natch) or whether that is a hedonistic step too far.  Then tonight we have Chinese food from M&S to celebrate the Year of the Snake.  Tomorrow I am baking mini cookies for a project (and will almost certainly want to try one), Tuesday is pancake day and Thursday is Valentines and I'm meeting a friend for lunch.  We're eating at home on Valentines night but it will involve wine even if the menu is cunningly low carb.  The following week is looking dicey too - will tell you more on a later post.

It's that age old dichotomy of trying to balance life and dieting.  I do not want to look back at a joyless desert of a life where I turn down every opportunity in  grim determination that dieting must rule all.  Nor do I want to be fatter - or as fat.  The middle path is not something I'm good at, plagued as I am by anxiety and fear and 'what ifs'.  Todays' sneak peek with SoD doesn't help.

Monday, Wednesday and Friday will be starvation days nonetheless and tomorrow can be very low carb.  I just hope that's enough to balance the pancakes and the wine.  I should be steady enough in my resolve and confidence that what I'm doing will ultimately get me there - but I'm not.

1 comment:

Lesley said...

Good luck hon! Can't think of anything helpful to say except keep looking and trying and you will find a solution!

Have you had a look at my OMG plan?? It seems to aim at stimulating ones metabolism and similar to your day in many ways so I wondered if it might be worth giving it a whirl. Just a thought....the cold/cool showers are fine, really! I have had one every morning since September and haven't had a single bout of illness in that time despite all the lurgies which have been going round. Don't know if there's any correlation but I do know that I feel pretty healthy at the moment....

Anyway, enough of the hard sell. I just hope you find a plan which suits you soon.

Lesley xx

PS. I have been looking at dates and will email you and Seren asap.

Lesley xx