Wednesday, 11 May 2011

Computer says no

I was much heartened by the comments that I got on my over-the-top weight gain from our weekend away. Of course I thought to myself, I’ve put a chunk on but some of that will be fictitious weight and I won’t panic – a week on the straight and narrow should jettison at least 2lbs of that, maybe 3lbs. And so I applied myself with careful dedication this week, always thinking about how pleased I was when I lost that 3lbs and got to Porky.6. I was still nervous this morning though – and this was entirely justified as it turns out, I lost the princely total of zilch.

I have got over the stage with this whole dieting malarkey where I throw myself about, rail against my fate, gnash my teeth, rend my hair etc etc. There’s a bit of low level lip wobbling but I tend to just get on with it. What never fails to get me though is the utter lack of logic and coherence. How do I learn from my mistakes in order not to repeat them if I cannot work out what the mistakes are? SWise One says I may not be eating enough so I guess I’ll try and address that but I don’t feel inherently that is the answer. I guess I’m hoping for one of my weird, inexplicable plummets next week. Which still doesn’t help with me understanding my own formula for success – something I badly need.

Especially since I’ve now had the call from the nurse and could make an appointment to learn to inject myself with this drug which should make me less hungry – for c£100. I’m not sure that this is the answer either – I don’t think I eat such a lot that subduing my hunger would make a difference. On the other hand, shouldn’t I try everything to lose weight? I don’t want to throw that £100 away – it’s not as if I have that spare money to burn (and see my costly but ineffective hypnotherapy experience a couple of years ago).

We’re painting the ceiling and walls of the halls this weekend and going to bf’s mother’s big birthday party. Bizarrely, my mum is coming too (not decorating but to the party). I’m the designated driver so I won’t be wasting syns on booze – but it may be more of an ordeal, let’s just say. At least a day’s painting will give bf and I a chance to come up with an agreed line on the wedding; we expect to be barracked into saying people are all invited (probably whilst our choice of venue is mocked – some of his family persist in going on about me being ‘posh’ in a slightly aggressive way). A lot of them won’t be invited to the day but they don’t have to know this yet! We’re tweaking the old phrase slightly to ‘friends and close family’.


Seren said...

How frustrating with regards to the scales. Your dedication is such that I know you don't need comments exhorting you to keep plugging away - it will come good in the end.

We've had tears and aggression on both sides with regards the wedding and I do honestly think the way forward is to establish the party line and stick to it. D, in a rare moment of sense, said to me that the only person who will look back and genuinely care about my wedding in ten years time will be me; for everyone else it is a passing concern. And I think that for once he is actually right!


Lesley said...

Yep yep yep - you want people there who care about YOU not just people who fancy a day out to see the rest of the family. If they don't add to your life on a normal basis why invite them to your biggest day??

Sounds harsh but really it is your day.

Keep the faith the SoD will relent soon.

Lesley xxx