So, I decided to get off my well upholstered arse and do something about being a better person. Okay, so I’m doing that on the outside (as it were) with this whole lard-denial business but I am slowly coming to the conclusion that I need just as much work –if not more – on my insides.
I’ve started reading this book called “Feeling Good Together” by Dr David Burns (wasn’t he in Talking Heads? No matter...). One of the first things that jumped out at me was that lack of self-esteem is one of the biggest problems in a relationship. Gulp. But the premise of the book is that you can’t change someone else, you can only change yourself and in doing so, the chances are that the dynamic of the relationship will change. I really believe that. Although I fit absolutely into the Submissive category and they take all blame on themselves far too eagerly anyway. Guilty as charged. Ouch, it's all a bit skin flaying, admitting to your flaws. I don’t suppose that a book will change my life, but I am going to try and use some of their techniques – I recognise a lot of my faults, like not listening properly because I’m panicking and trying to think what to say. I absolutely hate reading these type of books if they don’t strike a chord – they can be cheesy to downright nonsense (I started reading one a month or so ago which was like sitting with someone very drunk making the same point over and over again with increasing fervour and equally decreasing lucidity) but even if I pick up a few tips and make a few improvements, then it’s worth £8 or whatever I paid for it. New, improved Peridot – with backbone – coming this way soon. Actually, if I weigh heavier, it’s probably going to be that backbone...Honest.
See you all post holiday – I am looking forward to many things (the archaeology, the different places, sounds, sights, tastes etc), not least of which includes spending time with bf doing things that we enjoy and most people don’t! I mean traipsing around dusty stones in far-flung places... I know I’ve said it before, but I feel so lucky that we enjoy the same sort of things. AND it’s going to be a great opportunity to be the new improved Peridot as I do get a bit wussy in unfamiliar places – there will be a lot of those as we’re mostly moving every day.
Back in 2 1/2 weeks....
PS Thanks Clare for your long comment - v helpful and definitely chimed a chord with what I'd been thinking.