Friday, 3 September 2010


I had a little freak out last night when I got in to find bf clearly bothered by something but saying he was okay. He was particularly distant. What freaked me out was that he almost quoted what I'd said in yesterday's post about keeping cheerful.

I'm trying to keep a grip on reality. Firstly, I don't think he would be interested enough to look for my blog. Secondly - and most importantly - I think if he did find it (somehow) he'd be too honorable to read it.

But it did make me think that I can be horribly partisan in what I write and for the record, I suspect strongly that I am very annoying and frustrating to live with. My cringe-inducing need to please everyone all the time is a real character flaw - I know bf has said it doesn't feel like an equal relationship but more like parent/child sometimes and I know he finds that really frustrating. I really need to work on my own attitude and behaviour and stop moaning about his so much. For the record, he's strong, funny and clever and I love him very much - his absolute good sense and practical nature does balance my complete lack of these things too!

1 comment:

Claire said...

Your blog is YOUR blog and you should be able to write what you want to write. You are entitled to your feelings.

On the other hand everything we write online is open to the world to read so we do need to be aware of that.

Have you read about transactional analysis? Me and my lovely fella have found it rather useful in our recent drama.

The idea is that we have states of being within our relationships that then put our other half into another role (that they may not want to have).

i.e. if we constantly act like a naughty child then our partner could end up like a criticising parent. OR our partner acting like a criticising parent makes us act like a child.

The ideal is that we all act like responsible adults all the time...not so easy to be honest. On grand step forward is to take responsibility for ourselves. You are responsible for how your act and your partner is responsible for how he acts.

Anyway I don't know if this helps at all but we've found it useful as at times of stress one of us can say 'I'm acting like the child here.' Just becoming more conscious can take the sting out of it. ps But don't use this as a stick to beat yourself with cos you do that a lot already and you don't deserve it. x