I moped when I finished the 4 Twilight books on Monday night – even though I didn’t care about one of the main characters in the last book (I was only interested in the Edward-Bella romance to be honest). I couldn’t think what to read next. I had other good books lined up but I didn’t feel they’d consume me in the same way (which might not be a bad thing I suppose). So I started on Twilight again on Tuesday night and have almost finished it; will then read the others again and then move on and get a life! At least for a short time... I’m banning myself from re-reading them this side of Christmas. Lesley – beware, or at least clear your diary! I resented ANY interruption or anything that kept me from reading. Like work, or conversation.
Reading the Twilight books made me feel sad that I could never have that sort of incredibly intense, passionate, all-consuming relationship. Not least because those things remain firmly in the world of fiction. But also because I am Miss Ordinary. Which is part of my problem I think. I think that part of the reason I feel so unhappy at the moment is that I am chafing against being me. If that makes sense. And fiction is partly to blame. I have always read a great deal and my earliest crushes were always for fictional characters (Mr Darcy and Aragorn being chief suspects) rather than film/pop stars. And I think somehow I’ve lost sight of the face that fiction is not real life – which is what makes it interesting after all. Now with the countdown to 40, I can’t help but think ‘is this it?’. But I’m comparing my life with fictional characters, not with real-life people. It’s particularly daft as I already know that if I were in a book, I wouldn’t be the main character anyway – I’d be the bit part to heighten the desirability of the heroine in contrast (as I posted a few posts ago). So there’s no point in feeling as dissatisfied and wistful and just plain sad as I do. I need to accept my lot and be reconciled to it. Embrace it even. As ever, wouldn’t it be easier to be a bloke? Then my mid life crisis would be solved by simply buying a motor bike or having my ear pierced or shagging a junior member of staff half my age. Of course, it’s good news for cyclists and junior members of staff everywhere.
And it’s just as well I’m not a vampire in Twilight or with my self control and willpower, half the population would have been massacred. It would be one way of dealing with over-population I suppose!
Having said that, the eating hasn’t been too bad over the last few days – probably because I’ve not been in the office. Now I’m back I somehow need to keep that vibe going. And then I need to go further – to get more exercise in (or indeed any) and get some blubber off and back into clothes that don’t actually cause me physical pain. Always a benefit I think. I was also pleased to be back with bf last night and felt very snuggly even though he isn’t an intense, passionate, moody, flawed character madly in love with me! He makes an excellent hotwater bottle though – which is more than you can say for Edward*!
* Yet another tedious Twilight reference.... My obsession will wane soon, I promise. Er, I think.... Oh dear, I am such a tragic sucker for an intense, passionate love story. No pun intended.