Eight! I didn’t know there were that many people out there who read my bilge! It gave me a nice warm glow, so thank you guys. Which I really needed today....
Last night I went to an internal awards dinner (we won twice by the way). I was more nervous at the thought of having to have my photo taken than anything else and I asked my middle aged 6’2” colleague if he would kindly stand in front of me for the group photo if we won. His response? “I’m not that big”. Now, I don’t know whether this was knee-jerk (or just plain jerk) or whether he thought it was funny but his meaning was quite clear: F-A-T. He then kept trying to be nice so I guess he knew that he’d overstepped the mark but the damage was done. Firstly, my absurdly thin skin was bruised/flayed raw by this and I couldn’t wait to get away and get home. And secondly, I will never forgive and forget. End of. The photos weren’t fun either. Because I'm short they kept moving me to the front.
All this came at a time when I had been musing on my ambivalent feelings about my invisibility. When I was at my biggest (only unfortunately 1st10lbs away at the moment) I craved invisibility – I mostly saw the derision and disgust that I invoked in people because of my size and I wanted badly to fade into the background and not be seen, not see their reactions. Recently, I’ve felt a bit sad by the fact that I seem to have achieved that invisibility – just shows, be careful what you wish for and also how impossible I am to please! Last night made me realise that invisibility is not so bad after all – yes, it makes me feel even more dull and unattractive but the alternative is a sharper pain.
On the bright side, I managed quite well with the food – I only had a couple of nibbles and 2 glasses of fizz first (nervous drinking, I'm afraid),1 glass of wine, ate only part of the starter (which should have been none of it as it wasn’t nice), did eat the main (it was very small indeed and very atkins!) but didn’t touch the pudding. I did have 2 mini mince pies though. But the scales revealed a loss of precisely zero lbs this week. I thought I’d been pretty reasonable but I guess I ought to know by now that I rarely lose weight even after an exemplary week so “pretty reasonable” just won’t cut it.
What does the weekend have in store? Well, a mixed bag as ever. We’re going to a farmers’ Christmas market first thing tomorrow, then a walk with my mother and the lab-pack, then chores (which really ought to include window cleaning if I’m home and it’s still light – that has to burn a few calories too. And it would be nice to see out of the windows...). Sunday – lunch with friends (probably not too lardy) then my mother (and labs) are coming over for supper (canapés and fizz) and staying the night so that Monday we can all go off for a long walk followed by a Christmas lunch in a pub (in fact, the oldest pub in England, it’s been there since Saxon times apparently – possibly not all of it). Hope everyone has a great weekend.
Twilight musing of the day: Bella says that she has always been distinctly average at everything and how revelatory it is to find something that she’s good at. I don’t want to spoil it for you if you don’t know what this is but suffice it to say that it’s something, er, unusual. Maybe my talents lie in a direction I may never discover? Because like her (or rather, like she claims to be), I am very, very average – I’d probably be a good spy or something because I’m so average and invisible (quite a feat with red hair). Unlike her, I don’t have a drop-dead gorgeous, intense, passionate, worshipping boyfriend. I may have mentioned this before...! Mine is quite sweet though – not really gorgeous (just as well) but pleasing to me, certainly not intense or passionate - or as wrapped up in me - but funny and clever. Oh yeah, Edward’s that too. Damn. Bit young though (I prefer the older man) and maybe all that passionate adoration would grow tired after a while? Am I convincing anyone here?