Counter productive

After a long absence, I got back on my bike and cycled my commute to and from work yesterday (8.9 miles each way). It was tough on the way there - but manageable - but on the way home, oh my, I barely made it. I got the shakes quite early into the ride and had to have dextrose tablets – 5. If I do get the shakes, 2 usually sorts me right out but I had 2, then cycled some more, and then another 2, and then the last one in the garages, just to try and get the energy to put my bike away. If bf had been there I would have summonsed him to do it for me – I just had nothing left, I could barely lift my panniers. I got the worst shakes around the most dangerous bit of my journey of course. Still, I made it. And I would say that I must have burned a hell of alot of flab to have that extreme a reaction, BUT I was so starving that I ate everything I could find in the flat– probably about a packet and a half of peanut M&Ms, 3 large tsp peanut butter, almost half a jar of caramel sauce – and then I had my planned meal of ratatouille, a piece of fish and added 4 pieces of parsnip too. And a portion of Ben and Jerry’s frozen yoghurt. So I’m guessing that that cancelled out anything good I’d achieved from the cycle ride. And I still felt awful and I’m still hungry – despite having had my porridge, a small, skinny cappuccino and 100g 2% Greek yoghurt with tsp of honey this morning. And my arse hurts. I’m still planning on cycling tomorrow if it’s not too foggy. The chances that I have to cycle will be few and far between between now and Christmas so I have to grab every opportunity for the sake of my waistline. Or, rather waistlessline.

I’ve also been rubbish on the Circuit of Hell. I can’t remember the last time I did that either. Must be 3 weeks ago. I set my alarm for 6am but I just can’t seem to haul myself out of bed until it’s a mad scramble just to make it out of the door on time – without adding in prancing about with weights. Actually, there’s little or no prancing involved. And currently little of anything other than snoozing – and there’s no calorie burning advantage in that.

Weekend was marred again by a nasty quarrel with bf. I wonder if Darcy and Elizabeth had rows about her always having her nose in a book (something I get accused of – it’s true, I just don’t see why it’s a problem), if Knightley and Emma bickered over her messiness (the reason for this particular row) or Edward accused Bella of having thin skin and thus overreacting to everything? No, I’m not really putting Twilight in the same category as Pride and Prejudice or Emma. But maybe fiction gives me an unrealistic idea of what relationships should look like – maybe everyone rows. Personally I avoid it – I’d far rather bottle things up - even seethe quietly - than row. And I am thin-skinned, I feel wounded to be told that I make bf’s life unpleasant by being messy and having “clutter” and that he “doesn’t know if [he] can live like this”. I was brave enough to tell him that he didn’t have to – he didn’t have to live with me at all, but that if he were going to dump me, I’d appreciate if he did it before I had to cater Christmas. I did also tidy up though as a less extreme path! Anyway, it ended okay – in that he felt better, the flat was tidier and we made things up (he actually tried quite hard to be nice and make things up to me in the end). My thin skin still shows the bruises though.