Wednesday, 5 December 2007

So fed up. And so fed up.

I haven't posted for ages. And this is because my job has just gone crazy. There are fewer of us doing more work and I feel incredibly stressed because I'm just randomly reacting to things - depending on what seems more urgent - and have no real idea of what I really have on. I'm not doing anything very well as a consequence and permanently feel swamped. In fact I've started to get a pain in my heart/stomach (always did have problems differentiating between the two!) which I think is stress - and I'm very close to tears most of the time.

This has had a bad effect on my eating - I've eaten so much chocolate you wouldn't believe. I've become obsessed with those big Quality Street chocolates (the purple one and the orange one) and somehow one just isn't enough. I know I have to stop and every night I resolve to do just that - then I come in to this situation again and my resolution just flies out of the window.

And I'm not having packs as a consequence - maybe one (of three) a day. This has some benefits which I'll come on to but is another leap down that slippery path.

The benefit is that my CDC has given us the flick. He was an hour and a quarter late last time (and I was doing my nut as I could have done with staying in the office that night) and was quite sulky about driving in - his choice as I'm sure you'll agree. My naughty-but-nice friend R isn't doing CD at all at the moment so didn't want any packs this fortnight (we buy by the fortnight) so he said it's not worth his while to come in to London for less than a month's packs. And I didn't want that many (which was what he was saying I'd have to do) so was definitely not wanting to buy so many just before Christmas (having to watch my money too) AND he keeps giving me the lactose-free without so much as an apology or explanation and I do think they're even more horrid.

So that's it. I have a week's worth - maybe more - and I know there are scheduled occasions where I'll eat and, unless I can find the strength and willpower, other occasions too. And I have a new CDC set up for January because the CDC-chimp was so useless but it does seem crazy to start with her for one (fortnight's) session and then not see her until the New Year when I am bound to have put on weight.

I will be interested to see whether I can simulate CD on my own (which would of course mean stopping all the chocolate) - with a CD chocolate variant pack for breakfast (I can't think of any low carb breakfast) as long as I have them, a CD soup for lunch whilst I have them, then a Pret miso soup with a pack of wafer thin chicken or ham for lunch when the soups run out and some fish and veg for supper or home-made soup. Assuming (and it's a big assumption) that I can cut the chocolate, it will be interesting to see the impact this has on my weight.

I'm sure I will be back on CD after Christmas though! Naughty R is planning "full steam ahead" in January so we will be back in it together.

In the meantime, we have friends staying with us this weekend - this means a meal cooked by me (fig, prosciutto and parmesan salad, followed by Moroccan chicken, chorizo, squash and chickpea stew with sweet potato and ginger mash and beans in a spiced yoghurt dressing, then chocolate pear mousse cake - tried to be healthy except for the pudding but the over-riding priority is for things I can cook in advance) on Friday night, dim sum for lunch on Saturday and Brick Lane curry Saturday night, and Wagamama for lunch on Sunday (can do that quite healthily) - which wouldn't be my choice with guests but they're from the deepest country (lucky them) and have read about Wagamama and seem to think it's glamorous. Only hope they're not too disappointed!

This means I am off after today for this week and although that means more stress today and next week, and tomorrow and Friday morning will be spent cooking and cleaning, I hope I can recover a bit and calm down.

Hope everyone else is well and happy.


Conn76 said...

Wow - you are some cook - that menu sounds delicious - I hope you had a good night.


Lesley said...

Bummer about the CDC but don;t let it ruin all your hard work. I'm planning a January blitz of the weight I've gained since I kind of gave up on RTM but I'm determined not to just pile it on in anticipation.

Have a good one.

Lesley x

Mrs said...

Totally echo what Lesley says - the CDC thing is a bummer but don't undo all that effort.

I've written a few posts with you in mind so hope I have answered your questions/dilemmas in a helpful way.

Is there any way you can cut some slack with work or will that have you shouting at me (via the screen)?!?!?!?!

Hang on in there!!!! And walk away from the table.

Big kiss.

Mrs Lxxxxxxxxxxx

Lesley said...

Hi there chuck....hmmm, self-disciplined?? If you'd seen me chowing down over the last few weeks in a kind of self-denying fog, with my fingers stuck in my ears, deaf to my adult self... "I can't hear la la...", you certianly wouldn't have said that!! Lol!

Anyway, I suppose it's good that I've copped onto myself and made a change and I'm going to do everything in my power to make that change count. You can too. Don't let it go. Don't beat yourself up about the lapses but focus on what is important to you - namely YOU! You need to go back up the pecking order like you were in LL abstinence. Remember why you went through all that pain (and it WAS painful for you - I remember...!). Don't let yourself get sidetracked.

Do as I say (and am belatedly doing now), not as I did!!

Good luck chuck.

Lesley xx

Mrs said...

How are you? xxx