Consequences

I lived well – but not too well.  I definitely didn’t eat more than a third of things I wanted to.  I would say I ate like a ‘slim person’ but only if that person was eaten alive by jealousy when looking at her husband’s portion of fish and chips versus her own.  With further thought, I am retracting that plaudit!  I also had one instance where I overate – P had made his carbonara on my actual birthday, and I absolutely love his carbonara.  I told him to give me a small portion – when it arrived, I knew it was too big, really, I could have taken a third out and it would have been about right.  And then I ate three small macarons – really because I didn’t know how to count them MFP the following day.  Obviously not a good reason.  Anyway, I felt really, really ill.  This is a salutary lesson for our trip to US and Canada.  Ideally, I eat roughly half a UK portion – I think it will be closer to a quarter in the US and probably Canada too.  I really don’t want to feel that ill again.  I do hope these are not famous last words and I remember the (hours of) pain…

I steeled myself to get on SoD on Tuesday to start afresh.  I didn’t manage this every day of the weekend, as I should have done, mainly because I didn’t want the feelings of failure and misery which attack me when the scales go up, to spoil the weekend.  I anticipated as much as a half stone, just to prepare myself for the worst.  Reader, it was a single lb on.  Now, clearly I’ve dodged a bullet – or at least I have for now.  Not yet convinced that it won’t come back and bite me on my lardy arse.  So WI this week was still +1lb.  I’m still teetering just above the next stone bracket down.  I’d love to get there before my holiday (in two weeks’ time).  You know, Reader, how gratifying it is to see a stone down on the old SoD.

I have a couple of social things in the next couple of weeks – one should be okay, the other is potentially a tricky one.  The first is dinner with P tonight.  We’re going to a fish restaurant so it will be a modest affair (in terms of calories) – we usually have a seafood platter between us.  I will have a glass of wine though – and we’re meeting in a bar first, but over the course of the week, this is a manageable ‘splurge’ I think,  and I am at least doing quite a bit of walking today.  The other is the Harry Potter afternoon tea (I KNOW!) with one of my best friends.  Cakes and sarnies are not compatible with a diet at all.  It’s just before the next but one WI too, so is likely to skew my result.  As ever though, it means battling my ‘perfect’ versus ‘nothing’ approach: that really, really strong temptation that, since I’m not ‘doing it’ a bit, I may as well not ‘do it’ at all.  It causes me a ridiculous amount of mental anguish – it’s a constant refrain going through my head and it’s exhausting.  Even my fish supper tonight is tempting me to have something naughty today – as I won’t be able to fill out my MFP diary.  It doesn’t help that trying to wrestle a very drunk husband into bed last night, means I have not had anywhere NEAR enough sleep that I need and I’ve not slept well at all this week anyway.  So I want chocolate.  And I so want chocolate.  Deep breaths.  And there are cookies in the office – not ones I like, admittedly, but I so want one.  Or two.  This is why I need to just take deep breaths.  So.  Tired.