Thursday, 17 July 2014

Of floracide and other things

In the long slow tarting up of our flat, we have cleared our small balcony and I have re-planted the planters.  Sounds simple but I have the opposite of a green finger - probably a black one.  All plants in my care die.  It's been less than a week and the violas are looking sickly, the lavender shows signs of queasiness and only the cosmos looks okay.  And even then, some of the leaves are dying.  P helpfully suggested plastic flowers.  No.  Obv.  I think I have to have temporary flowers and keep replanting and slaughtering fresh victims.

What I really need to do is sort out my clothes.  I have a LOT of clothes - and yet I reckon only about 2% actually fit me.  I have some nice things, surprisingly.  Surprising because I pretty much buy everything from ebay.  It seems pointless spending money on clothes - firstly because I am ever hopeful that I will lose weight (HA!) and secondly because, well, lipstick on a pig.  If I ever get back in my 16s, I will have a whole wardrobe.

This weekend we have guests coming.  Conservative eating guests.  We're doing Italian as I know they like that (they don't like Thai!  Who doesn't like Thai?!).  Antipasti including homemade caponata, meatball lasagne with tricolore salad and tiramisu (because P loves it and I hardly ever make it).  Almost embarrassingly easy.  I had a stern injunction not to put too much pressure on myself and because time will be tight, I have heeded it.  But I still feel almost furtive about the lack of finesse and effort (look away Seren!  This is not the calibre of food of chez Seren)

And now, on to an update.  Firstly, thank you all for your comments - I appreciated every one and it made me feel less alone to an extent I can't properly exress.  I think the main things that I will take away from them is 1) Amy and I should clearly swop husbands (although 2 clingy people in one marriage might be a recipe for disaster), 2) Yes to the flouncing - but the circumstances have to be right.  We talked about his behaviour and he took responsibility for being horrible.  I didn't talk about my feeling that he doesn't love me; I am pretty sure he thinks he does and it would be pretty patronising to insist otherwise.  In fact, he said he did and he said he couldn't understand why I needed to be kept being told I was a 'worthwhile' person when I so clearly was.  This is quite effusive for him.


Lesley said...

I'm soooo glad you are able to tackle the issue with him which is more than I ever could. Stick to your guns though. Maybe P doesn't understand that you need repetition and reassurance but WE all do.

Hope you have a lovely weekend. Your Italian menu sounds great to me but I'm with you on the Thai thing....strange....

L xx

Gabby said...

Glad to see things are a little better. If he says he loves you; maybe you should just take his word for it? At the very least, please remind yourself you are loved and loveable. Keep on standing your ground in a calm and firm manner and thereby forcing himself to confront his own behaviour. Maybe things will get better little by little. Hugs!!

Fionna said...

Baby steps - keep standing up for yourself and telling yourself that you are beautiful and very, very loveable. We all know you are x

Seren said...

Brilliant news on the P front, I'm pleased for you. P and D sound pretty similar in some ways and I have found that sometime you HAVE to spell certain emotional truths out and you HAVE to stick up for what you want and need, and it sounds like you were able to do that which is brilliant.

Personally, I think your menu sounds lovely. Multi course extravaganzas are not always the way forward. Although, to not like Thai is, frankly, a bit odd.

Have a wonderful weekend.


amy said...

I am putting my husband on the next plane. Which is more convenient, Gatwick or Heathrow? xoxoxo

amy said...
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