I just read Gabby's comment (thanks Gabby) and I feel awful. Maybe I have not been fair in the way I portray P.
If you were to meet him, you'd like him. Everyone likes him - he has charisma and seems very laid back and genial. He's a great reconteur. He is funny, quirky and clever and he has real creativity. The other day he noticed it was Independence Day and we were home - he suggested having an American themed evening and we had US food and wine and watched an American film. Above all, he is fun!
He isn't particularly laid back fundamentally, but I guess most people are different privately. He has a low tolerance level for idiocy - and I do irritate him. He's extremely self-contained - unless I make the move after an argument he would be quite capable of withdrawing and withdrawing until we became strangers. I am sure that if I left, he would not try to stop me or even look back.
I don't think he values me - and most of this is about how awful I look. And I have to be fair - I loathe the way I look, why would I expect him to feel otherwise? I can't meet my own eye in the mirror, how can I expect him to meet my eye? How can I expect someone to see a value in me that I do not think is there myself?
He can't remember today what he said last night - and I can't forget.