Monday, 29 October 2012

Pretty as a picture

The wedding was lovely.  The bride and groom were so in love that they glowed with it.  The weather was beautiful - freezing but sunny and bright.  My dress fit (and I was complimented) and I kept my shoes on for almost the whole night.  All very positive.  Lest I get carried away by the relative glamour of my dress and super high heels, I have to tell you that I bought a hat to try and keep warm.  Reader, I looked startlingly like an Ewok (teddy bear creatures in Return of the Jedi).  It was not the look I was going for but I can see me getting a lot of wear out of this hat.  It covered up the scarlet stripes a treat!  Actually, I did some concerted washing and managed to tone those right down.  AND the hat also kept my ears warm.  A useful wardrobe addition.  Especially if I have to go to a Star Wars themed party any time soon.

I managed to tick off a few more wedding tasks which made me feel calmer.  I'm even relatively upbeat about the fact that I feel ill and coming down with a cold (not flu I hope) as it must surely grant me immunity for the wedding.

But it only takes a small thing to derail me.  I got the photos from our 'engagement shoot' today.  I look awful.  I think if I hadn't got them at work I would have cried.  I look stiff which is only my own fault as I was so anxious at the time - maybe now I've seen the worst I'll be able to relax.  Maybe booze will help.  Maybe the wedding atmosphere will help.  But I want to throw away everything I wore on that day - it was actually a shock to see how bad I looked.  P is fed up with what he sees as my moroseness and negativity - and I've put on a positive act for him! - we had a quarrel about it. 

Really I am only just keeping a grip to not pitch headfirst into self-loathing.  It's not our photographers' fault; as I said to them, 'you can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear'.  Their technique was great - I can see that, save the subject, they are good pics.  They sent me 3 photos on email at work and I hated one with a frenzy, one was okay of me but not P and the third was not too bad (I just look lined and haggard).  Then the disc arrived tonight with an additional 5 - they were mostly worse (although the one I hated is still in the bottom two).  And they took loads on the actual afternoon - it's terrifying to think what the others were like.  I must be vainer than I thought - I must think I look better than I really do.  Or think that getting married would sprinkle shimmery magic dust on me.  I looked lined, dumpy and fat with piggy suspicious little eyes.  And roots (but that I can fix).

Trying to 'reframe' this: now I know the worst, it won't be such a shock after the wedding.  And I don't need nice photos to have a good time - all that really matters is marrying P; I'll look as good as I can and not let my hopes of what I might have been spoil our day. 


amy said...

Ah -- do not worry! Some people, I am one of them, are just not photogenic. We got the proofs back from my son's bar mitzvah, and they were hideous of me. There will be one photo of me in the album!!! And forget iPhone photos. I look about ninety. I once had a friend whose girlfriend was a model. He showed me pictures from her portfolio -- Gorgeous. I then met her in person - bow wow. Pictures do lie!!!

Ms Kay said...

I am but photogenic either . The mirror image I see passes muster if I make an effort but in photograph I always look like a potato . With hair .
Your day will be fabulous and if you get a photo you like unexpected bonus

Lesley said...

Tried to comment a while back but lsot it so sorry for late response.....I'd blame the photographer 'cos I took much nicer photos of you than those sound!!

Yes, all that matters is that you're getting married to the man you love and who loves you. And there WILL be nice photos of the pair of you. By the law of averages tehre will be as so many will be taken. So you'd better start relaxing about it....try a mantra of "who gives a damn??"

Lesley x