Wednesday, 1 June 2011

Womanfully tackling the slough of despond

I'm trying to claw my way out of this muddy, murky pit and determinedly setting my face to the sky and heaving myself upwards up and out - I hope. Another WI and I'm still the same weight. It's been 3 weeks STS and the week before that I put on 5lbs (a long weekend in Devon). My fear is that this is a pattern - I lose little and seldom over weeks and weeks and weeks and then something happens like a weekend away or Christmas or my birthday, I put on a scary amount, whilst actually practising restraint, and I can't lose it; my fear is that I'm stuck on an upward trajectory, despite my efforts.

But I have to swallow that fear (calorie free, friends! But not tasty..) and grit my teeth and carry on. So, this week bring renewed determination. My plan is:

1. Cut the meringues. I love them and I can't stop eating them. I don't seem to be able to practice moderation so they - and I'm weeping as I type this - have to go. Sob.
2. Email SWise One everything I eat (god this woman is going to be bored, bless her)
3. 5 syns a day max during the week to save enough for dinner out on Saturday night
4. Clever choices on Saturday night
5. I cycled today and hope to on Friday (although bizarrely my knee is really hurting) and we plan a long walk on Saturday
6. Lots of superfree veg and fruit (not a problem for me)

It's not a brilliant plan as I pretty much do this anyway but I'm hoping more vigour and scrutiny might help. Got to be worth a shot.

I hate that I seem to live from WI to WI, hoping for good news - what a ridiculous way to live. If I can crack it that I can consistently lose weight most weeks (ah, nirvana!) then I think I can relax and enjoy the moments in between. Because life slips by pretty quickly and I don't want to look back and only remember dieting.

In an effort to wrench myself away from this thinking and where it goes (in spirals of descending despair and - I suspect - ultimately to madness and maybe chocolate), I am going to end by thinking about the weekend just gone. We did two walks which we'd not done before - always lovely - and both are likely to become favourites. The first which I'd cavalierly estimated as 6 miles was actually about 11 but really beautiful and with a pub handily just over half way along for a lunch stop next time. (This time I took chicken drumsticks and chicory bulbs - I dropped my chicken whilst de-skinning it, such are the wages of virtue, sigh.) Then another shorter one with Southwold Pier about halfway round where you can get a mean cappuccino (Southwold is very chi-chi) whilst surrounded by sea. We went out to dinner which was lovely, had a terrifying conversation about wedding budgets (seriously, how does anyone ever afford to do this?!) and met up with friends and my god-daughter to chose our favourite Barbies from her staggering collection (there were at least 40 and they were just the A list): bf chose a redhead, that's my boy!


Love Cat said...

Your body is just being a total pain in the arse! Why won't it just play ball?!

You have all my sympathies but also my awe as I don't know if I would have the mental stength to keep going in your situation. I think your plan to cut any extra sugar is a good one.

Hopefully the knee is okay for bike shenanigans.

Thanks for the comment about men and their crazy partner choices. I'm okay about it all - just a bit bewildered!

Linz M said...

I imagine it must be massively frustrating - the amount of walking you do makes me completely in awe! I can barely manage a couple of miles without collapsing in a heap. All I can say is keep going, at some point your body has to cut you some slack, surely?!

Re. Wedding budgets - no idea how anyone manages it. It's too scary to even contemplate for me!