But I don't know what the right question is. I'm really grappling with why I'm finding it so hard to stay abstinent and why food seems to matter so much. I have lots of questions - which are basically all permutations of 'why?' - but no answers. I can say to myself that it's just food and it doesn't matter - but it does. But why? See what I mean... Anyone with any answers please let me know before I drive myself completely mad. It's quite disturbing.
So from this you will gather that I'm still doing my half pack, half food, completely un-nutritionally balanced version of the diet. I've lost a bit of weight but am still 3lbs up on where I was a couple of weeks ago. And it's really messing with my head (see above). I only have a week and a bit before I come off LL for almost a month and that doesn't help with the impetus to keep going. The trick will be not to go mad when I'm off LL - one thing that my current lack-lustre, half baked, off-plan foolishness has proven is that I don't need large quantities of food to get by, that's just greed.
I am still going on with the exercise though (and intend to carry that on, LL notwithstanding) - last week I did 3 x 40 mins runs (3 mins running, 1 min walking) and 2 x 45 min walks and I'm intending to do the same this week. This morning's run was the hardest one for a long time - I just felt exhausted and got a stitch about halfway through. Yesterday I had a pack first thing, then some popcorn that my 3 year old neice made me and 3 of her fizzy cola bottles, then about 4tsp of peanut butter and a small piece of brie in the evening followed by a final pack. Perhaps that's too bonkers a diet to run on and that's why it was so hard.
It's Naughty R's inaugral session at my LLC tonight - will be interesting to see what she makes of it. My time there will be much improved by her being there but I feel a bit mean that I'm only likely to do this Monday and next and then to disappear until 22 September. And that's if I can bear to go back. Which I will have to if I put too much weight on given that I've got my brother's wedding to the chav at the end of October and want a nice frock for the occasion.