Monday, 4 August 2008

Food is not the answer...

But I don't know what the right question is. I'm really grappling with why I'm finding it so hard to stay abstinent and why food seems to matter so much. I have lots of questions - which are basically all permutations of 'why?' - but no answers. I can say to myself that it's just food and it doesn't matter - but it does. But why? See what I mean... Anyone with any answers please let me know before I drive myself completely mad. It's quite disturbing.

So from this you will gather that I'm still doing my half pack, half food, completely un-nutritionally balanced version of the diet. I've lost a bit of weight but am still 3lbs up on where I was a couple of weeks ago. And it's really messing with my head (see above). I only have a week and a bit before I come off LL for almost a month and that doesn't help with the impetus to keep going. The trick will be not to go mad when I'm off LL - one thing that my current lack-lustre, half baked, off-plan foolishness has proven is that I don't need large quantities of food to get by, that's just greed.

I am still going on with the exercise though (and intend to carry that on, LL notwithstanding) - last week I did 3 x 40 mins runs (3 mins running, 1 min walking) and 2 x 45 min walks and I'm intending to do the same this week. This morning's run was the hardest one for a long time - I just felt exhausted and got a stitch about halfway through. Yesterday I had a pack first thing, then some popcorn that my 3 year old neice made me and 3 of her fizzy cola bottles, then about 4tsp of peanut butter and a small piece of brie in the evening followed by a final pack. Perhaps that's too bonkers a diet to run on and that's why it was so hard.

It's Naughty R's inaugral session at my LLC tonight - will be interesting to see what she makes of it. My time there will be much improved by her being there but I feel a bit mean that I'm only likely to do this Monday and next and then to disappear until 22 September. And that's if I can bear to go back. Which I will have to if I put too much weight on given that I've got my brother's wedding to the chav at the end of October and want a nice frock for the occasion.


Mrs said...

Aha! If we knew the answer...

Just furiously waving and saying hello and TOTALLY with you on the spider front!

Big kiss.

Mrs Lxxxxxxxx

Charlotte said...

I can't write much now... but wanted to say the reason why food is so important to you is because it's so important to everyone! It's our life force and at the moment you're depriving yourself of it. Surely anyone who isn't experiencing that is going through that LL 'high' you talked about and which I mentioned I had briefly experienced. But that is a form of sickness, it's not healthy.

I think it's fab that you can't wait to get back to eating proper food. But you must get back to IPD afterwards. You have to fix your sugar fixation, because that is the one thing I won't humour!! ;)

By the way, and I know it pertains to the above post, but I think you SHOULD get the yellow shoes. And once you come off packs, the gym sounds like a good idea. I also maintain that you'd enjoy running more if you pushed yourself through that run/walk barrier - I KNOW you can do it, P. I KNOW you can.

Dil xxx

RuthieNo said...

Poor Naughty R was dragged into the lion's den unawares!! I'm chuckling at the anticipation of your next post!