Wednesday, 8 March 2017

Previously on munter to minx....

I’m not sure I’m back yet.  I left because I thought I was being irritatingly moany and morose and that you, dear Reader, deserved more.  By deserving less of me.  Well, I deserve less of me too – more of which, later.

I am tip-toeing back and dipping that toe into the water.  Has anything changed?  No.  I’m still at roughly my pre Lighterlife weight.  I am still doing two starve days a week, mostly with success that never quite translates into anything encouraging on my old pal, Scales of Doom.  Nothing lasting at any rate.

I’m also back to low-carbing – essentially because I have now pretty much exhausted all the diets so am on a second (or third or fourth or...) pass around.  And because I felt best on it.  And that has worked in that my blood sugar levels are pretty damn exceptional.  But I cannot rejoice in this until it also means a steady downward trajectory on SoD.

Not least because we’re going on holiday in May.  We were going to Iran which, pleasingly, would have required me to be covered from wrist to ankle.  And whilst that had a set of problems, they were generally ones that could be answered with a bit of patient ebaying.  But, you know, Trump, and a couple of other things that made us pull out.  We had paid a deposit though and rather than lose it all, we transferred it to another holiday (there was a £60 fee because OF COURSE there was but at least we didn’t lose the lot).  So, we’re going to Jordan.  It’s as part of an organised group because that’s what this holiday company offers (and Americans, Canadians and Brits have to go to Iran as part of an organised tour) and so the itinerary is set for us.  It’s 11 days and it includes not one but TWO beachy bits: the Red Sea and the Dead Sea.  Reader: nothing makes me so clammy and terrified as swimwear.  So much so that when we went to Cape Verde last year, I deliberately didn’t take a swimsuit so that I didn’t ruin the holiday for myself in anxiety.  Yes, I would have loved to have gone in the sea but given the choice, it was no choice at all.

I will use the excuse that Jordan is not as westernised as all that – I’ve read that most women there would swim with a t-shirt on at least, sometimes shorts too.  But we’re staying in Western hotel chains so that’s somewhat flimsy.  I suspect there will be swimsuits and bikinis everywhere.  I only have to think this and I quite literally feel panic.  Panic anyway and then when SoD smugly refuses to shift down.  I had horrible food poisoning and that caused a leap downwards – I was flickering just above the next bracket down – and then it leapt back up.

I have nine weeks before we go.  If I could lose a stone I’d still be obscenely fat but it’s a stone better than where I am now. I ought to be able to say that I can set my mind to losing 2lbs a week and then I’d be at the lower point of the next stone down.  Admittedly at a pound a week, I am unlikely to notice any difference.  I know this numbers game is utterly self-flagellation, but I can’t not do it.

And I have two really nice skirts that I bought last summer (work skirts) that were just a smidgeon too tight.  I never wore them.  And I was a bit slimmer then.  HA!  I was not any gradation of slim –I was less fat than now.  I’d really like to wear them this year.  Every year I put off buying things – or even dry cleaning a couple of work skirts as ‘by next year they’ll be too big’.  I’ve thought this for years.  I’ve been wrong for years.  But I can’t quite bring myself to replace them or clean them.  There’s a winter jacket (duvet coat) in the sales that I like but I don’t want to be this size next winter.  I bought a mac at least three or four years ago that I thought I’d wear for a bit and then flog on ebay.  I’m still wearing it and it is looking sad and droopy (like its reluctant owner).  One of my best friends and my husband would tell me to accept that this is the way I am.  But I can’t.  I just can’t.


Lana Bump said...

I definitely think that wearing a t-shirt and shorts in Jordan is absolutely fine. It's definitely a more modest country, and when we were there we saw lots of that sort of thing. And if it makes you feel comfortable getting in either or both seas, which are both once-in-a-lifetime experiences, then for goodness sake wear them! Jordan is a wonderful country, with lovely warm people and delicious food (very little alcohol to speak of, but then maybe that's not the worst thing). I have heard much the same about Iran, but as an American totally understand why you would pull out of that trip.

On another note I've read your blog for years now and not sure I've ever commented, but I'm so glad your back. I appreciate your humor and fierce tenacity. I struggle myself with my weight, and my self image. I had success (42 pounds) with a program here in the States that is different than the plans you've been on, and if you're interested I can send you a link to the book (it's called State of Slim--you can google it) but I don't want to come across as some weirdo who is trying to sell you something in your comments section. I'm not, I promise! It's very low carb, low sugar and high protein, and there's a lot of it that's more about your mindset than your midsection, but it really helped me.

I hope you have a great holiday and enjoy all the great stuff that Jordan has to offer. We went in May of 2013 and really fell in love with the country and its people.

Peridot said...


Nice to 'meet' you and thank you for your kind words

Great intel on Jordan and this diet plan - thank you! I'm going to Amazon to see what I can find out now...

Hazel said...

Like Lana, I've read your blog for ages, and really enjoy the wry way you have with words - you have such a talent - so I was pleased to see your post this evening.

The reason that I don't comment (often? Ever?) is that although there is lots that I can say, I suspect that the words I would use would not make your situation any easier - and also what business is it of mine to poke my nose into your life? I won't fib, I could shake you sometimes, but I do admire your tenacity too, and I am always rooting for you.

Peridot said...

Hi Hazel

Ha! Yes, I often want to shake me too! Thanks for the kind words about my writing and thanks too for rooting for me - it's much appreciated

Seren said...

Yay! How lovely to see you pop up in my feed, your updates have been much missed. I only really appreciate now how much of a bloody star you are to combine 5:2 with something else - the only way I get through the starve days at the moment is to bribe myself with whatever random foodstuff I happen to crave. It's great that your blood sugar is stable, though I wish that you were seeing some pay off on the scales too.

The clothes - ugh, I do the putting off buying thing too and I'm convinced that wandering round in the same old bought-from-eBay-not-quite-right stuff just perpetuates a negative mindset which then makes it harder to stick to a given plan. Maybe we should both give ourselves a break.


beth said...

Oh, I'm so SO glad to see you back here!

Re the clothes: I have to echo what S says... I think one of the best things I did for myself this past summer was, as much as this killed me, to buy a couple of nice things that fit well at the size I was at, however appalling I found the size on the tag and the idea of being that size for any amount of time to amortize the wear of said thing. I know this sounds like self help mumbo jumbo, but I feel like psychologically it wasn't doing me any favors to catch sight of myself in the mirror in not-quite-right clothes. (I know almost no clothes seem right when you don't feel like you're at the right size, but...) It just made everything so much harder. And the nice clothes are now too big...but have passed them on to a friend, who is enjoying them. (I would have eBayed, but one of my dresses was going to get her out of the bind of having to buy a new one.)