Ho, ho, ho or no, no, no?

I’m feeling a bit weary of the dieting.  I’m guessing you are too: the world of dieting blogland is oh so quiet.  

I seem to have fallen into one of those deep crevices of dieting woes that is hard to clamber out of.  I had hit a 2st 2lbs loss just before our trip to Devon.  Then I put on 4.5lbs.  Then I put on another ¼ lb.  And then I couldn’t get under that.  On a starve day I can lose 2lbs but a normal diet day will lead to me putting on 1.5lbs.  Now, someone of a relentlessly Pollyanna persuasion would say that this is still a net loss of ½ lb but actually, the reality is that I’m still over 2lbs over my 2stone loss – and over 4lbs over pre-Devon.  And WAY above where I a) feel less frantic and repulsive and b) where I need to be.

There are other nasties in the mix which probably aren’t helping.  I’ve got very bad at not drinking anything during the day again – that may impact.  And I’m just finishing my period.  I certainly feel more bloated than normal. 

But it’s quite hard to keep motivated when you’re not seeing much return on investment.  I think some people use a lack of success to fortify their resolve: for me, I tend to think ‘oh sod it, what’s the point of denying myself if it’s not achieving anything’.  I had wanted to get down to the next stone bracket before Christmas but with less than 5 weeks to go, I think that just over 10lbs is unlikely.  Especially as there will be a few more social occasions in the diary than my usual semi-hermit existence.  So I’m reluctantly revising my target to below my 2stone off (again) -  I’d like to get a bit of a buffer against festive over-consumption so I don’t end up back up here again.  I’m also going to be super-careful where I can over the ensuing weeks to try and achieve this: I’m still going to do my 2 starve days a week, hard-core dieting the other week days and dieting with slightly less vigilance at the weekend but accepting that the odd weekday will be more indulgent than usual, minimising that indulgence as much as possible and trying to offset on those days by particularly frugal with other meals.

This weekend we’re going out to dinner on Saturday.  This kind of encapsulates what I most hate about dieting.  Okay, the second thing I hate most: number one being the dieting with no appreciable results thing.  But I have the familiar pull between pleasure and dread – I love the idea of going out to dinner with my lovely husband, but I fear that I will pay for it, weight-wise.  It spoils the pleasure.  I will of course be mindful in anticipation with as frugal a breakfast and lunch as I can manage but that doesn't reduce the nagging fear.  Or indeed the weight.

Anyway, if there’s anyone still reading this, how are you doing?  How do you manage Christmas and other special occasions – both physically and psychologically?  

Of bags and bag ladies

I had some kinda exciting news last week: I finally dipped below my 2 stone loss (2lbs under, to be precise.  After dieting pretty damn intensively for EIGHT MONTHS).  Yes, well before you crack the champagne and party poppers, I then went to Devon for a week and put on FOUR AND A QUARTER POUNDS.  How is that possible?  I blame the two cream teas - but I swear I was careful otherwise AND we had the most windy, hilly, strenuous hike.  Which involved calf deep mud and recalcitrant horses.  And a LOT of stiles.

Sigh.  But there we go: that is just a happy memory now.  One I need to relive, ideally soon.  Of course, my harsh Libra app now tells me that I’ll achieve goal weight in 2080.  Too right I will, I’ll be a little pile of ash by that point.  Not really the result I’m looking for.  The Happy Scales app is kinder and simply says ‘longer than a year’.  By comparison, that’s kind, I mean.  Would that they did Happy Scales for mere android phones, I’d ditch that Libra: THEN see how you feel huh?  2080 indeed....

It probably won’t come as any surprise that I’m on a starve day today.  Needs must and all that.  Although Friday is a particularly sad day to be ferociously hungry, somehow.  The weekend looks relatively inoffensive since I’m driving P to meet his pal in a pub where I suspect we’ll spend most of Saturday, him on beer and whisky and me on fizzy water (whoo!).  We are however meeting friends for Indian food on Monday to introduce them to the restaurant we’re planning on taking Canadian friends when they’re over next summer (the first set of friends are Brits but living in Canada where access to decent Indian food is almost non-existent.  Hence taking 2^nd set of actual Canadians there when they visit London for the first time next year.  I dare say that visit will involve clotted cream too, now I think about it...). 

Whilst it might now be putting cotton (both thread and denim) under intolerable strain, I bought new jeans in Devon.  Not particularly because we were in Devon - I’m not claiming Devon as a denim-Mecca - just because some of the time we spent there involved us being a short walk into Exeter city centre and I had a captive husband to drag out shopping (Reader: he bought me a beautiful dark green, oh-so-soft leather bag for our 3^rd (leather) anniversary).  Anyway, when I say ‘new jeans’ I specifically mean a size-down new jeans.  They took a little wiggling to get into the first time but no disproportionate muffining happening and they feel comfortable.  I first wore them on a day we had breakfast, lunch AND dinner out which was possibly not wise.  But hey, I was potentially 4.25lbs lighter then (bitter, me?).  And no pudding!  At all!  In all the times we ate out!  It must be the cream tea.  ANYWAY, they fit and it’s only now that I realise the larger ones had slightly too much material flapping about and needing pulling up all the time.  Husband says they look good, bless him.

He also bought me a coat to be used mainly for walking (this one if you’re interested) – I owe him the money which I can pay in instalments.  This was very nice of him but came with the somewhat unwelcome news that my parka-ish coat which I have been wearing makes me “look like a bag lady”.  Reader: this was not the look I was going for.  He’s now campaigning for me to throw the parka away but I’m dithering.  I need a 2^nd opinion.

Lies, damn lies and statistics

I find both a bit confusing insofar as I lose track of how I’ve done in a calendar week.  But that’s not my gripe, oh no.

Libra predicts – based on my goal weight – when I will reach that weight, going on current progress.  Now, I’m the first to admit – bemoan, bewail – that my losses are paltry, but originally Libra briskly stated that the date to reach my goal weight was “N/A”.  I rolled my eyes, decided it only worked in shorter time parameters, admitted that I too was unsure I’d reach that point, and dismissed the faint sting. 

After a few days however, it clearly felt that it had sufficient data.  2030 was its estimate.  I did that cartoon thing where my eyeballs spring out of my head.  2030?  I guess I probably will still care then – I even accept that I will be on some kind of diet for my whole life, but I’d rather hoped that this would be from a point of being slightly happier with my weight – from a few stone lighter, at any rate. 

A few days on and it came up with September 2017.  Still felt like a life sentence.  I’ve worked really hard this week (read: starve days and well-behaved diet type 1 days (week days) and type 2 days (Saturday and Sunday)) – after seeing a small initial spring back up after the type 1 day, post starve day (only ¾ lb the next day and then ½ lb the following day) and then quite a big jump when we went out for dinner (nearly 3lbs!  I didn’t even eat much!), I’ve been very mindful of getting my stats to a more reasonable place.  Having lost a bit over the weekend (2lbs - a bit of an achievement, I thought) Libra ‘rewards’ me with a new stat of June 2019.  I seem to be going in the wrong direction. 

Overall, last week I lost 1.5lbs.  Unlike my apps, I thought this was okay.  I need to find somewhere to record the weekly WIs – as well as the daily blips – now I’ve cancelled my SW online membership.  I think I only managed one starve day last WI period though – I’ll have done two for the next WI.  I’m going to keep on with the daily WIs to see if I can see a pattern.  It does this ‘trend’ thing which I don’t understand – it’s consistently heavier than I actually weigh – which I am hoping will suddenly make sense.  I’m currently rather heavier than my last WI (1 ¼ lb) and with two days to go until the next one.

Still, today is another (starve) day.  As Scarlett might have said had she not had an 18” waist.