Friday, 21 February 2014

The SoD debate

Thank you for your words of support.  I’m still not happy but what can I do?  I have to get on with it. 
Of course, this renewal of my dedication to the carb-free life (SOB) needs to be evaluated.  I know this.  I have ordered a blood sugar monitor but of course, mentally screaming and kicking, I have forced myself to realise that the Scales of Doom will have to once more have a place in my life.  A feared, despised, terrified place of disappointment, resentment and dashed hopes.  A short period of time each week that I fear and which has the power to destroy not just my week, but my morale too. 
Of course (again), I know I’m fatter.  The fact that stuff doesn’t fit me makes that abundantly and painfully clear.  I have however clung to the fact that at least I am not back at pre LL days.  I reckoned I was about a stone off which was bad but at least I hadn’t undone all that pain. 
I didn’t want to weigh myself for so many reasons but not least that I’ve been doing this for over a week and therefore wouldn’t see any initial slightly faster loss.
Out came SoD, covered in a film of dust but I could feel a malevolent energy underneath that (I had kinda hoped that the batteries would be dead).  I am slightly heavier than before I started LL.  Yes, fresh fat but the wrong way.
I believe that it’s customary at this point to make soothing noises about ‘never seeing those numbers again’ but I am living proof that this is not so.
I am assuming I was even heavier last week.  Of course, my assumptions have proven to be absolute rubbish so far so who knows?  What I will know is what I weigh next week.
But I don’t feel good.  I'm struggling.  I need a break (although obviously not a Kit Kat)


Lesley said...

Just read your last 2 posts together and am very sorry to read both pieces of news. I felt somewhat similar to your reaction recently when diagnosed with gout! Is my diet so rubbish that I have gout at 44 when it usually affects older men??

But these things happen and it is not as though you don't try, and keep trying.

Maybe dealing with the diabetes will help you control your weight? That's what I'm telling myself re the gout anyway... Low carbing is always the best strategy for me but it is hard to get in the zone and organised, especially when you're working crazy hours.

I'm glad you braved the SoD to be honest. Knowledge really IS power and sometimes you have to see the evidence before it sinks in properly.

Good luck honey, I hope work settles down soon.

L xxx

amy said...

Hang in there Sweetie,

Seren said...

I agree with Lesley - you had to get the initial encounter with SoD out of the way. I've tried to stop letting the number itself have any sort of historical context - it's not helpful to me to think about where I was or where I will be. Easier said than done, I know!

Courage, mon brave. And hope non carb not proving too painful.