Day 19 CD - Manic Monday

Hmmm, I'm not blogging as much. Not good - for me, possibly good for you as I DO tend to witter on once I get on!

We had a meeting with our CDC last Wednesday - I was quite pleased as I'd lost 5 1/2lbs since starting CD, and of course 5lbs in the couple of days when I used some old LL packs. He kept saying "that's not much"! Even when I explained that I had very slow losses! And I haven't been 100% virtuous which is probably why I'm more relaxed about it. Weirdly, not being rigid has made me less neurotic. And my size 16 jeans are starting to be a little too big for comfort! Okay, they're probably a generous 16 but it's still good.

I've bought quite a few things from ebay in 16s as I really have nothing to wear (all my old stuff was size 20s - with a few 22s I'm afraid) but have still spent a fortune! Got alot for it but really don't have the money for this. I sold some stuff too but I'm still £ down! My friend R gave me a wonderful coat though - just as well as I looked like a bag lady and it's C-O-L-D. I don't think I'm in ketosis as my wee sticks remain stubbornly beige but I cannot get warm - I'm worried I'll actually lose a toe at this rate!

I think the ketosis thing is because although I've been very good in the last week I have been eating loads of sugar free gum - enough to make me blow up like a puffer fish and get bad tummy ache. Does this stop me? Of course not - it's sweet and it's legit (you can have some sugarfree gum on CD)! Except the ones I've been munching like a woman possessed - Wrigley watermelon, Wrigley strawberry and M&S berry - appear to have citric acid in them. I'm proud to say that it's been 2 days since my last gum - one day at a time! My name is Peridot and I am addicted to fruity chewing gum.....

Thanks for your kind comments about my last post. Things seem good with b/f mostly and I guess some rows are inevitable (as much as I do try and avoid them) but mustn't be allowed to get that nasty again. I do need to be less thin-skinned (and less floppy skinned but that's a whole other story!) and just enjoy the fact that he suddenly finds me attractive again. Men are superficial - this should not take me by surprise at the age of 37!

And to be fair, he had an old reel of film developed and there was a photo on there of me - I think - right at the start of LL and I looked dreadful. I had my favourite denim skirt on and I looked so fat it was quite shocking. If I'd not lost some weight I would have been devastated by that photo - as it is, it really made me see how far I've come. More than anything else I think. Although I'm now getting lots of compliments as people notice I'm slimmer - some are a bit odd like "You're so skinny". Er, no, a 16 is NOT skinny in anyone's book! And is that meant to be an accusation or a compliment? Coz it sounds a bit aggressive to me (maybe I'm being thin-skinned). Even when I get a shouted, gushing "You look AMAZING!" like I did today I get very embarrassed and self conscious and tend to go bright red (not a good look for a redhead) and shrug it off gracelessly. If only they'd be more discreet! But it IS nice to hear, even if I find it agonising at the time.

So, I've now lost over 3 1/2st and next goal is 4st and the one after that is to tip me into the next stone bracket down - hopefully by the end of the month. I even told b/f what I weighed now and what I started at! This is incredibly free and open for me - I've been so secretive about it all. I was joking and saying that I wanted to know when I weighed less than him and he pointed out that we'd both need to say what we weighed - it turns out I'm about 1 1/2 st less than him now - and even when he shifts the stone he wants to lose that will still make me lighter! I'm looking for an opportunity to sit in his lap..... (presumably I can't cut off his circulation if I weigh less than him??!)