People are strange

They really are.

I have to say that mostly, people have been very kind.  Admittedly (and naturally) these people tend to be friends or colleagues.  I have been moved to tears several times by the kindness of people who go out of their way to show and/or tell us that they love us.

Then there are people who are not kind – usually through clumsiness, rather than malice, I know.  I was furious and extremely distressed when my band nurse told me that I had to get rid of stress from my life or my band would react.  I said it wasn’t really possible to rid my life of stress at the moment or for the foreseeable future – and they do know about P.  She then started going on about mindfulness exercises and playing music.  Excuse me, but a piece of music that would make me feel better about the very real prospect of losing the person I love most in the world?  That piece of music doesn’t exist.  And what an unbelievably crass and stupid thing to say.  I was crying but I’m still not sure if it was anger or misery – a bit of both, I guess.

But then there are others.  I have a friend who I thought was a good friend.  She’s not in touch a lot – but last time she messaged me to see how I was, I did actually say that I was struggling, that I was finding it very tough.  I actually find it quite hard to admit just how unhappy I am and just how poorly I am coping.  I haven’t heard from her since.  It’s hurtful.  I know that not everyone can find it easy to deal with this situation, it must be hard to know what to say.  In fact, I know there IS nothing that anyone can say or that anyone can do, but it’s very lonely and even a ‘thinking of you’ message helps.