Wednesday 20 March 2019

Waiting

I’m sitting on yet another hard, plastic, hospital chair. Thus time waiting whilst P has an operation to remove c70cm of intestine, including a 2.5cm tumour. It’s been suggested to me (with emphasis) that I might like to go home. Or go shopping. Or go to a coffee shop (this is Whitechapel but I guess Starbucks has even got here (not that I’ve seen one)). The consultant had said I could sit outside theatre whilst he had his op - but the place the nurse (reluctantly) indicated is some way away. So I won’t know when he comes out. They will call me, but not necessarily as soon as they finish. I cannot imagine whiling the time away, shopping- even if there was anywhere nearby to shop. I am keeping a firm grip on my nerves, my hopes and my expectations.

Then - assuming it all goes well (and I AM assuming that) - he’ll be in hospital for up to a week. It could be another fortnight before we find out whether he’ll need “further treatment” (chemo). The waiting is interminable - every time I think we’re getting to a point where we’ll have enough information to make (or break) plans, they whip the goalposts away, re-siting them on the far horizon.

Some days it feels unreal. Some days it feels like it was ‘just’ a bad dream. And some days it feels like we’re stuck inside the bad dream.

3 comments:

Badger said...

I didn't want to read and run. Been checking in and just wanted to send love and big hugs xxxxxxxxx

Seren said...

Sweetheart. I know there is no point saying hope you’re ok. Because you’re not. I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers and I want to believe that everything is going to be ok for both of you. Sending love, always. Please keep updating us, and we, in turn, will keep sending positive thoughts your way.

Sx

Lesley said...

Hi again sweets. Have been thinking about you and P a lot over the last few days. Whenever I have a rubbish day it pops into my head that this is nothing. Or when I feel a wave of love for Rich (which is happening a lot with our wedding in the offing) I then have a pang thinking how I would feel if he were to be ill. I know how much you love him so how terribly hard this must be for you. But I have faith in medical science to help you both through this. ALL love to you. Lxxx