Having said that, there’s some mischievous entity at work in my life at
present. I have started on the
injections. Good news: really not
painful. Bad news: make me feel sick as
a dog. Well, we’ll come to that
unfortunate analogy later. But pretty
much nauseous all day. These are, I
hope, side effects that should last no longer than 2-3 weeks but on day 4 that
seems a long way off. As my mother said
brightly ‘well, it’s not so bad if it makes you lose weight’. You can see where I get a twisted view of
food from, right? But no, this is not
how it’s supposed to achieve that aim. I
really don’t want to feel so sick I can barely eat until I’m a size 12 (or
whatever). Even if that were possible. And here comes the irony bit (or whatevs):
the only food I can eat is plain and carby.
The advice is even to eat plain carbs if you feel sick. Carbs are not a great choice for a diabetic
(and this is first and foremost a drug for diabetes). Last night I ate 6 skinny fries from my
colleague’s plate for dinner; lunch today is looking like Ritz crackers. Hmm. What is a carb-free alternative? Nausea and chicken breast do not work well
together.
Still, after a weekend away, it’s good to have ricocheted to the other
end of the spectrum. Actually it wasn’t
too bad in terms of outright gluttony but did cause a 2lb weight gain. I think.
Having made the momentous move to get back onto Scales of Doom, I really
do need to record it somewhere. The
previous week I lost 2.5lbs. I would
hope the weekend gain is long gone after several days of barely eating. Not very sustainable in the long term, I
continue to avow.
The weekend was nice. It’s
just... Well, we’re going through a
rough patch. Not with each other but
with family stuff. The most serious of
which is that my FIL is, to put it bluntly, dying. The cancer he fought off 4 years ago is back
and brought a mate this time. They’d
started treatment for the first tumour (or second I suppose) before they found
the other. The treatment made him feel
absolutely terrible and he didn’t want any more; the second tumour made that
academic in any case. He’s at home now
and it won’t be long. He’s a lovely and
sweet man and I will be very sorry to lose him which is slightly subsumed by my
concern for my husband and how he must be feeling. He’s been characteristically stoic and brave
but has moments where the grief just erupts, understandably. I hurt to see him so hurt.
And to ice that particular cake, we come back to the ‘sick as a dog ‘analogy. One of my mother’s Labs has just had to be
put down (yes, whilst we were away).
From nowhere SHE got tumours and within 2 days there was nothing else to
do. My mother is distraught and I’m very
upset – both from hearing her sobbing and from missing our very sweetest dog myself.
Finally, I visited my grandparents’ grave on the way back from Devon
and put some flowers down. I still miss
my grandmother terribly and that was yet another unpleasant reminder of loss.
P and I are agreed that the only thing you can do is wring every moment
of pleasure from life. Balancing
hedonism with dieting is not an easy task – well, factoring in 24 hour nausea
does balance it a bit, the food and drink part of hedonism seeming unattractive
at the moment. But it’s something to
think on. We’re planning holidays. Next year. At the moment we're living from moment to moment, waiting for bad news.
