Thursday, 8 November 2012


So, this is my last post before I get married on Saturday.  I've learnt a lot during this time - firstly, it's not possible to do every little touch you see on wedding blogs (HOW do they have the time?), secondly, Sod's Law will mean that work becomes ferociously busy just when you could do with having a lunch hour, leaving on time and sneaking a bit of wedmin into your working day and thirdly, an engagement ring does not mean that you will be a different person.

By that I mean that I had, somehow, thought that this might be the way I finally lost weight.  But that would only have worked if I had not really been trying; if my barriers were mental rather than physical.  I confess I am bitterly disappointed in myself even though I do know I tried as hard as I could.  I feel ashamed of myself as a bride, sort of apologetic that I don't fit the ideal.  Or even close to that ideal.  I am working very hard on getting over this and still enjoying the day.  I am determined that although I will be a fat bride, I will be a happy one too.  Although I seriously fear the cameras.

And I've made things worse for myself too.  As a surprise for P, who is a media hound, a journo friend and I wrote a spoof, silly paper to give to people when they arrive for the ceremony.  I gave it to P in advance in the end as there were similarities to his speech and I didn't want it to spoil that and for him to find himself repeating things.  He didn't like it.  I should have known really as he doesn't really like my humour (he doesn't find it very funny).  I am really disappointed that I failed to give him the lovely surprise I'd hoped to.  But it gets worse.  I had as my headline "Peridot and P in shock shotgun wedding".  I didn't realise that shotgun weddings were because of pregnancy - I thought it could be but that it was essentially a sudden wedding.  We've been together 17 years, that was the joke.  Except it's now not funny.  And people will think I'm pregnant (never a good thing but especially for a fat girl).  P's distinctly unimpressed, partly because he knows I'm so thin-skinned and partly because he can't see how me and P (yes, another P!) could be so dense ("fucking idiots" is the phrase he actually used).  I can't decide whether to just scrap the lot (£80 worth - but could be worse) or tough it out.  Either way, it's spoilt for me because I had envisaged a different reaction from P.

What do you think though?  Would you think it was a joke or would you think I was pregnant? 


Cait said...

Hello, I'm a long time reader but I think this is my first time commenting. I got married in April this year, and also didn't lose the weight I wanted to and I too struggled with many of the same feelings about not being a "proper bride". To be honest, I still feel a bit weird about it. But the actual day was wonderful, I felt great and there are a few wedding photos I like. i think it's helpful to take an emotional step back and try to treat yourself the way you would a friend - kindly. In terms of the spoof - I'd probably scrap it if it is going to cause you and P stress. Weddings are intense enough and making things as straightforward as possible is definitely the way to go. Have a wonderful day and I look forward to reading all about it!

Ms Kay said...

Honest answer - I think I would wonder if it was a joke or if the bride was pregnant . I would probably ditch them as you don't want to be sitting there on your wedding day wondering if people think you are preggers . No no no .
Have a glorious day and congrats x

Seren said...

Congratulations and have an amazing day. I'm sure it will be wonderful and you and P deserve every happiness.

I'd say at this stage in the game, grit your teeth and scrap anything that is going to cause you doubt or so much as a particle of stress between now and then. You don't need to be worrying about minutiae when you should be relaxing and enjoying your day.

I'll be thinking of you and wishing you both every happiness.


mia79gbr said...

Best of luck! I'm sure you'll look radiant. Hugs. xx

Lesley said...

Hi Honeybun. You will, as I've said before look and be gorgeous on your wedding day. scrap the paper without a shred of regret.

Friends of mine scrapped their first dance despite have 6 hours of expensively choreographed routine bought and paid for. It wasn't what they really wanted and might have caused some stress so they dropped it without a second thought. It then became a joke to them, a running laugh, which I can see this paper being (just maybe a long time into the future...)!!

Enjoy enjoy enjoy and you do NOT have to be some ideal of a bride, you are getting married. That is the big deal.

Massive hugs to you and P.

And sloppy kisses too.

Lesley xxx


Badger said...

I would say bin anything that's going to add extra stress on the day.

I gained 5kg trying to diet for my wedding. In the end it didn't really matter and I have some beautiful head shots!! xx

Love Cat said...

P! So sorry I didn't managed to leave you a comment before Saturday.

I was thinking of you and I so hope you had a wonderful day. By now you will be married to the man you love most in the world - something to be cherished.

Lots of love and happiness xx x x x xxx

Sarah said...

Hey, I'm on holiday and am only just checking in. I'm sure that you will have had a fab day and been a beautiful bride, even if you weren't the weight you wanted to be. Who cares whether you did everything everyone else blogs about. I'm sure it was wonderful.

Sarah x

Gabby said...

I'm a bit late - but congratulations! I hope you had an absolutely wonderful day and were able to put aside your worries. I'm sure you looked lovely, and absolutely positive that the only person who cared about your weight was you.