Of rules and rebellion

I think it’s just as well I have a plan, ready to swing into action (well, T-50 days), as I am not seeing any good news from the Scales of Doom.  I’m bouncing about a bit but mainly being a fraction up.  This is particularly frustrating as I’m making a real effort with increasing my activity by getting up early to walk part of the way in to work – and sometimes walking back to a further tube stop too.  A brisk walk is partially pleasant as half of it is through a park – the other half down a typically congested London road (oh, and dodging the tourists outside Buckingham Palace).  I am sure it’s good for my mental health as I arrive at work less furious with being jostled and shoved.  The op people are very keen on exercise – and particularly walking.  But as ever, exercise has no impact on my weight thus far.  I’ll keep at it – certainly for some time post the op, just to see what happens.  One of my husband’s names for me is ‘Rules Girl’ – this is not, dear Reader, any sort of pet name, it is accompanied by an eyeroll – and I do feel like I have to follow the rules BECAUSE OTHERWISE WHO KNOWS WHAT MIGHT HAPPEN.  Once I have disproven them though, then all bets are off.  The first rule of rules girl is that you test the rules and the moment they prove false, you abandon them with scorn.

One thing I do have to get my head around is something that no piece of silicon is going to do for me – and that’s not to eat the wrong things.  My capacity will be small so I must ensure that that capacity is taken up with nutritious food.  Not an easy thing.  This morning for instance, I was starving and had a rotten commute and a very disappointing encounter with SoD (up almost 2lbs from this time last week) so my head/heart/stomach was chuntering about deserving something nice.  I think it is harder to resist if you’re physically hungry and emotionally hungry at the same time.  I was mentally riffling through what I could have (ie what was sold in the station).  With an enormous effort of will I managed not to buy a slab of chocolate chip shortbread and a frappuccino from Starbucks.  I averted my gaze from the place that sells delicious cinnamon pretzels and excellent coffee.  I also managed not to divert via Millie’s Cookies – on the basis that their cookies are not a patch on a Ben’s cookie and would suffer by comparison.  I’ve not had a Ben’s cookie for at least a couple of years but I still remember them…  I managed to get into work and eat my boring yoghurt, raspberries and paleo granola.  Normally I am happy with this as a breakfast and it fills me up.  Today for some reason it did not satisfy physically or emotionally.  I traded (with myself) a salad for lunch and a cookie from Pret.  I guess I failed really. 

Talking of failure… I am trying very hard not to get into that pre-diet mentality where you eat anything you feel you will be prevented from eating for the diet/foreseeable future.  After all, if I put weight on, it’s only more that I have to take off again.  Having said that, there are a few things that have crept in already.  This weekend we’re going to Aldeburgh for the day for fish and chips, to buy excellent ham at Pinneys (not off the menu post-op) and a rhubarb doughnut from the Pump Street bakery (SO delicious – not greasy but light and fluffy with the rhubarb jam being just tart enough to contrast and zing all your taste buds).  I’ve booked the amazing A Wong’s (and undoubtedly will have a champagne cocktail with its fascinator of brandy-laced candyfloss) and we will go to a good but traditional Chinese too.  I also want a steak, as cooked by P – who is excellent at steak.  The latter because when I asked if there was anything I wouldn’t be able to eat after the op, the surgeon shrugged and said steak.  P pointed out that there was a world of difference between a dry, well-cooked piece of rump steak and a juicy, rare fillet (it’s chiefly about dryness and chewability).  I have to say I’ve looked this up and it seems hopeful that I will be reunited with steak at some point.  A steak and salad is one of my favourite meals – and it’s healthy too.

This is getting too long, so I’ll save for next week my conundrums that I thought to get your opinion on, dear Reader.  Until then, have a happy weekend (despite the weather forecast).