The update is that there’s not a lot to update.
P is still in hospital – day 29 – and his latest release date (of very many) is Easter Sunday. Given that he was told 4-7 days when he first went in for the op, I’m not holding my breath. Or rather, I am just to prevent myself falling apart. We’d been told for the last week that it would be today. To be told yesterday that it won’t is very upsetting. Probably disproportionately. I am so tired and I have kept telling myself that I only have to get to Easter and we could relax together. Trying not to think of the holiday we had to cancel. So that hasn’t worked out and I feel like I can’t keep on like this. I’m eating rubbish – I’ve even started having a glass of wine at night and I have never done that, I’m getting far too little sleep and I’m constantly so tightly wound that my back and ribs ache from being so tense.
I start a new job at the beginning of May and it seems inconceivable that I will manage the level of energy and enthusiasm required for that. They’re very good though and have said I can have the time to go to his chemo appointments with him and travel home with him afterwards. He won’t start chemo until he’s discharged – at least he gets to do that as an outpatient.
I’m going through a particular bout of self-loathing too, triggered by a photo I had to send for my new job and probably from the undisciplined eating and the scale going up.
Sorry, I can’t manage anything more upbeat at the moment. I do know that things could be worse …
2 comments:
You most certainly do not have to apologise. Things could be worse but they also could be better - for P, of course, but also you. You’re dealing with a massive amount and, I am sure, coping admirably. For perspective: I spent half of the weekend in tears over my cat’s kneecaps! The very definition of NOT coping admirably!
Everything crossed for good news on Easter Sunday. And please, don’t waste your energy on photographs and the scales now. Plenty of time for that down the line when P is well and you are back in normal routine.
Sx
Oh gracious, it's the first time I've checked in for such a long time and I saw this. Big hugs and fingers crossed for you and yours. There's nothing helpful to be said, but just thought I'd show that there are people out here caring about you.
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