Hurdles

And we’re off.

Or, rather, I’m off.  I am seeing the next few days as hurdles I have to clear.  Thank goodness they’re metaphorical or I’d have no chance.  As it is, I suspect I have little chance but damnit I am going to try.  

Tomorrow we’re going out to dinner with my stepson and to meet his new girlfriend.  The new girlfriend is clearly biding her time before appearing in TOWIE or Love Island.  I am not sure where I will look.  Must be worse for P.  Although hopefully she will consider dinner with her boyfriend’s dad might be an occasion to wear more, um, clothes.  I suppose if you’ve paid a lot for them, you want to get them out as often as possible – return on investment, cost per wear and all that.

Then we’re going out to dinner (just me and P!) for our wedding anniversary on Saturday.  I think it’s the type of place that has small, beautiful courses – which will suit us both actually.  (Roux at the Landau.  Seren: have you been?) We went for dinner with a friend last Saturday – I didn’t think it was a lot of food but I was in actual pain that night.  Neither of us like being over-full, it’s such a horrible feeling – but this was actual physical pain.  I guess there is some effect from the band, even if it’s not fully functional.

I am still doing this dieting malarky by myself – in that the band isn’t helping me yet.  Hopefully at some point my band will be at optimal fill and my hunger will decrease (not my greed of course, that would have to be a very tight band in my brain somewhere and they don’t offer that - yet).  I do have to be careful not to stretch my pouch however (my new stomach – which is above my main stomach).  We paid a lot of money for this and I don’t want to ruin it.  It’s quite tricky when you don’t have the sensation of being full and then bam, it’s painful a few hours later.  It’ll get easier when it kicks in properly and small portions are sufficient to fill me up.   Even then, I think I will calorie count – I won’t fret if I’m under (ha) but I don’t want to inadvertently go over. 

A restaurant may be easier in any case – you don’t worry about offending anyone by leaving any of your food, it doesn’t come with food for ‘seconds’ and there’s rarely a cheese course that just consists of enormous slabs of cheese sitting on the table for an hour or so as people pick away.  I don’t eat a lot of cheese – and I never bother with biscuits or bread – but it’s still an additional course.  I am cheering myself up, thinking about this, perhaps it will be easier than eating at someone’s house.  I can do this!

My very modest plan is just to keep the rest of the two days as dieting – I suddenly get a glimpse of a world of non-dieting and am inclined to joyfully seize the bit and gamble off into a meadow of sinful gluttony.  And of course to get back to normal first thing Sunday.  Normal for me, that is (so c1000 calories a day).  I’m pretty sure I am going to be on some diet or other for the rest of my life – I just have to make it work for me and that will always include the occasional meal out.  I need to learn – and practice – how to manage those occasions within the overall diet without either freaking out or hurling myself out of the wagon.  It has to be possible.