July 2017 – February 2018: that’s quite a gap. Apart from trying and failing to lose weight, in this time I have had a holiday to North Cyprus (not at ALL what I expected – lots of men settling to escape extradition. Chunky gold jewellery and moaning about the bacon/useless locals not being able to make Yorkshire pudding properly).
Also: Qatar – just back from there. We went for some winter sun. Which we got, but there isn’t an awful lot to see and it is VERY expensive.
I am a stone heavier now than I was in Cyprus in September. My weight goes up when I stop being vigilant – and then I STS when I am being vigilant. You’ll note that what is missing from this is the (cue angel choirs and streamers) losing weight option. Oh, how I want the losses. I think I’m losing on average 0.5 – 1lb a month. I know this because I weigh most days and record it. I am a stone heavier than when I started LighterLife. My confidence, self-esteem and zest for life is rock bottom.
As Seren wisely commented, the numbers on the Scales of Doom have the power to ruin or make your week. I would love to make peace with SoD and to have consistent losses. This is what I’d hope to achieve by the band. I put the work in, the band helps me and I get a reward from SoD.
You won’t be surprised to learn that there was no use of the expensive tankini I bought for Jordan in either Cyprus or Qatar. I am not sure it would have fit but I certainly wasn’t going to find that out. I feel sad for myself that I cannot, dare not, get in the pool or the sea. I know physically I could – but I would be so distressed that, in reality, I couldn’t. Sometimes I feel like the opportunities are slipping through my hands and I am wasting my life. Sometimes I don’t care and just want to hide away and let the world pass me by.
Finally, Lana Bump – I have tried eleventy thousand times to respond to your comment but, for a baffling reason, it won’t let me. This is what I typed:
“Thank you for your support – it means a lot. And you’re quite right about that vicious circle, it’s, well…vicious”
3 comments:
We are both starting again. Penitent and determined. Let us both try to do things a little differently - me to make changes permanent - you maybe not to be so hard on yourself??
Let's do it!! We can you know. Lxxx
Ah I'm famous! My heart gave a jolt when I saw my name in your post! Much love and I second what Lesley says--work on your self talk. It's that thing of not saying to yourself something you wouldn't say to a friend. So much easier said than done, but the only way to build a muscle is to keep using it.
Aren’t you lovely!
x
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