The latest chapter

I am resuscitating this corpse of a blog.  Or, rather, an online diary by this point as I last updated it in July of last year!

I stopped posting as I was boring myself.  Same old struggles, same old lack of progress, same old heartbreak.  But now I have a reason to document the next year or so (I hope).

My specialist has been talking for a few years now about whether I’d be prepared to consider bariatric surgery and I’ve always said no.  Until May this year when I said I would (consider it).  I then went away and did quite a bit of research.

I was initially attracted to the bypass option – purely and simply because you lose the most weight that way (something like 78-80% of excess weight lost).  I talked to P about it whilst we were off on holiday last week (Qatar – tried using my Arabic but everyone in a service job was from other countries (mainly the Philippines)).  He was concerned about the irreversibility of it.  I took his point.  

So I started looking at the band.  It’s less invasive and I’d be back at work sooner.  Typically it says around 50% of excess weight is lost.  Tbh, whilst I’d like to lose a lot more, as the advert says, every little helps.  Plus, although it may sound trivial, I think you’re not supposed to drink with or after eating with the bypass - I didn’t take my wine exams to never drink again. I can give it up for a period of time but not forever. 

But it all depends – of course – on what the surgeon says.  I have two appointments in April.  One with the nurse (and I think – although it’s not clear) that that’s a series of appointments over the whole day.  Then a couple of weeks later with the surgeon.  There is a lot of form filling to be done before then – it is really depressing me.  It’s forcing me to remember all the lows (in mood rather than scales – although there’s certainly an inverse relationship there) – I’m struggling to keep myself above the sucking waters of depression as it is, this is pulling me down further.

I intend to tell no-one about this (if it does happen): just my husband and you dear (probably given up) Reader.  I do think there’s a concept of ‘cheating’ with it by people who haven’t given it much thought.  I read an excellent blog of a lady who went through this: she repeated what her clinical team had told her, which also chimed with her experience, that the band helps you by approximately 30% and the remaining 70% has to come from you.  It seems that you have an initial big loss (akin to Lighterlife you lose approximately a stone a month for the first three months) and then it’s 1-2lbs a week.  You see, that would be fine for me – working to lose maybe half a stone a month (especially after the bigger loss).  What has felled me in the past is when the losses just stop, despite the effort I put in.  Then it turns into a vicious circle.  When I’m getting results, I find it much easier to stick to.  I know that’s twisted. If I were more steely I would be all the more determined. I fear I am not a woman of substance. Although of course I am a substantial woman.