Well, I suppose a 1lb loss is ‘solid’ but it’s
a bit disappointing. Don’t get me wrong:
I’ll take it and I’m only too aware how much worse it could be. But I guess I’m having a phase where it all
just feels like a bit of a slog. I think
it goes in circles – admittedly you only get the novelty factor once but
otherwise it swings between acceptance and rebellion. Acceptance feels like plodding on, not giving
it much thought – just doing it, to bastardise the cheesily American
slogan. Rebellion has a whole range of
emotions attached: sadness, anxiety (over social occasions and how to minimise
their impact and of course, fear of Scales of Doom), resentment (but I want an
X and it’s so unfair I can’t). Guilt
pervades all. I am pretty damn virtuous
and on plan, but using syns, thinking about using syns – all this makes me
guilty and anxious. In a nutshell:
dieting is not fun.
I do think it helps a little with the
self-loathing though. I know I’m ‘doing
it’. Ultimately
I should look less repulsive; I repeat this in my head when looking in the
mirror, when hating what I’m wearing. P
says he can see a difference but I suspect, unless he has some kind of
fat-activated x-ray vision, he’s deluding us both. I can’t.
And I remember on LL it took over a stone before anyone started to
notice – and I’m back to just below my starting LL weight. I reckon it’ll be another stone before it’s
remotely impactful or visible. And given
that I’m going so s-l-o-w-l-y that could be another three months. Sod it, that deserves an emoji: L.
We are off to Canada in 15 weeks: I should
probably think of that as a 15lb loss.
But really I want to lose a stone and a half (minimum tbh) – now, I’m
BAD at maths and BAD at the weird number of (smaller) things to (bigger) things
(seriously, the explanation of currency in Harry Potter makes as much sense to
me) but I’m reasonably sure that’s, um, 21lbs (it IS 14lbs = 1 stone, right?)
and that is quite a difference. I’ll
probably put that ON in the 2 ½ weeks we’re there, no problem. Ah well, we’ll see – I can only do what I can
do (infuriatingly).
And exercise?
Weirdly it has no effect on my weight loss. I thought this made me a freak but I have
read quite a bit of research which shows that it doesn’t necessarily affect
weight. It clearly DOES in some
people. But even when I was running (and
hating it) three times a week AND on LL 600 calories, no difference. Even when I was cycling in to work most days
(9miles), no difference. I’ll still be
hiking at weekends but because I LIKE it, not because I expect it to have any
impact (okay, I always hope it does but even when recently we did a mammoth 13
miler of which the last 2 miles were hell and I really don’t know how I made
it, no impact on scales).
Fatloss
Forecast:
Reader, I did something terrible yesterday: I
ate 2 WHITE rolls (tiger rolls if it makes a difference – absolutely zero
nutritional merits). I’ve severely kept
the carbs down since I started: brown rice once or twice a week, very
occasional pasta, even more occasional homemade wholemeal seeded bread. But P had bought the enticing tiger rolls and
I wanted them SO MUCH. Anyhow, it’s done
and I can’t be weeping over bread now.
No booze for me at the weekend though to try and offset the damage. I ought to have syns in the bank for the
rolls but I can’t quite believe it won’t derail me (see opening para). The other thing is that I’m meeting a friend
for drinks on Tuesday evening – she almost always cancels at the last moment though. I ought to have a solid loss unless I do
something stupid. That seems to be -1lb. We’ll see.
4 comments:
Well done on the pound! I am really struggling will the rebellion part you mention. This post really resonated with me today!
I appreciate that some scientific studies (and your experience) say that calorie intake is more important than exercise in weight loss; but common sense tells me that coupled with sensible eating (as you are doing magnificently!), upping the calorie burning can do nothing but good?
I like your hiking, mind - I would struggle with some of the distances you clock up! Keep up the good work!
You are doing extremely well, and shouldn't get disheartened. I guess the bottom line is that diets and food plans can get really boring, but usually there are benefits as you start to feel better.
I've been reading for ages, and you seem to be a beautiful person, so please stop saying nasty things to and about yourself!
What a lovely thing to say! Thank you Stephanie
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