Thank you all for your words of support.
We’ve been very carefully prepared for a diagnosis of cancer – they’ve mentioned it’s “sinister”, that’s it’s a “growth of cells”, that an oncologist will be present. And we have that diagnosis tomorrow, alongside the treatment plan. At least we’ll know what we have to deal with. His GP has said, today, that it “may include an operation” – and my research has said it’s likely to be an operation and radiotherapy.
That’s for the cancer – he has more tests to come on his heart but nothing until the end of this month and then halfway through April. So it can’t be that bad then (crosses fingers).
I just hope that the cancer isn’t an aggressive form and they found it early and they can treat it.
The important thing is that he’s home. I know the op will mean a hospital stay and I guess I’ll deal with that when we get there – I’ll be so desperate to get rid of the cancer that I’ll focus on that. Suddenly life feels very fragile. He’s tough and optimistic and I am (almost) sure he’ll get through this – but I had thought being separated (by death) would be a long, long way into the future and now I’m having to think about how that would be. I am not sure I’d survive it. I’m not sure I’d want to.
The eating is going a bit haywire. I’ve gone from not eating anything to wanting to eat chocolate all the time. I’ve had a 4 day break from the diet and have put on 3lbs so I need to focus: it’s not going to make me feel any better if my weight suddenly soars. It’s difficult to reconcile the discipline of dieting with a ‘carpe diem’ feeling. On Saturday we had fizz and wine and vin santo. Normally I’d have two glasses of wine or one glass and a G&T. I wouldn’t ordinarily have pudding – but I made biscotti (which I’m totally doing again – very satisfying). I ate a LOAD of crisps. But I can’t eat my way out of this – it’s just that the feelings of panic are very intertwined with urges to eat
2 comments:
Glad to see an update - thinking of you both a lot.
Yes, yes, yes to the difficulty in reconciling the dieting with the carpe diem. If it were me, I'd be drinking gin by the bottle. But you're much stronger than me. Give yourself a few days but make sure you have a cutoff point. Don't tell yourself that you're going back to dieting for the sake of weight loss but for the sake of being as healthy as you possibly can be to deal with what comes next.
Sx
Oh Lord. So you will know now what you're up against. I'm sorry I'm being a rubbish pal but I really hope that P's diagnosis is as positive as possible and that operations and treatments go well. Rooting for you.
Dieting seems irrelevant I know but routines and health and fitness are even more important now. All love, Lxx
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