Going swimmingly..

And so it goes on.  I’m down a pound on last week – and was down half a pound then on the previous week.  Lest this sound like any kind of progress, from the start of my ‘lose a stone before the holiday’ push, I have put on half a pound.  We are flying two weeks yesterday. It’s not looking promising!

This weekend we’re staying with friends in the middle of nowhere.  They are good cooks and I know it’s going to be hard to be as rigid as I could really do with.  I just need to be frugal where I can be.  It's one of those instances where I wish I could just enjoy it, but instead I feel anxious about too much food and wine.

I’ve got to the point where I lie awake at night, worrying about what I’ll wear on holiday (mostly so far cropped jeans and linen/cotton tops – but I don’t have enough for 11 days...).  I can’t even make myself think about swimwear – and no, I’ve still not plucked up the courage to so much as open the packaging for the tankini (albeit that it’s a long top – so it should look like a swimsuit but allow for easier loo trips and hopefully a doubly reinforced layer to hold the flab in.  A bit) let alone try it on.  I’m so torn: one the one side, I’d like to get in the sea – especially the Dead Sea, but on the other, well, the thought of being seen.  Or even feeling like I’m seen.  Yes, even by P. 

Yesterday I saw my specialist.  I wasn’t terribly prepared as they’d rescheduled the appointment so many times, I just assumed it would be moved at the last moment.  It’s always lovely to see him because he’s so wonderfully eccentric, but I’ve rather given up on it leading to any solution.  He wants me to try another type of drug – if my GP will prescribe, which is always something of a lottery.  Then he says we’ve reached the surgery point.  It underlined how much of a failure I am that I just can’t do this to the point where he’s advising something that drastic.  All I can do before I see him again (and who knows when that will be) is grit my teeth and give it my best shot and see where I am then.  Whether I’ve achieved anything by that point, with or without the new drugs.  I also need to do some research on the implications of the op.  Like Hermione, if in doubt, I go to the (virtual) library.