Running scared

No, no, NO!  I need to start by clarifying – I am not intending to do the Couch to 5k programme.  And this is because I already did this for a year (and started it again maybe a year after that).  Probably only Lesley will remember this but I really did give it my best shot and I did persevere and I HATED it.  Which would have been okay if it had made me lose weight: Reader, it did not.
 
No, my exercise is mainly about walking these days – I try to incorporate as much as possible into my working week and then P and I go hiking most weekends or days off.  I don’t suppose it will achieve much but as it’s not painful – indeed, I really enjoy it most of the time (getting us lost miles and miles from the car apart!) so I don’t resent the time spent on it.
 
So, I think I need to come up with some sort of way of recording my weight: I DID get on SoD today (which I think was extraordinarily brave btw) and I either stayed the same or put a little bit on.  So, I’m going to revert to my impossible-to-penetrate code system of a few years ago and name my stone brackets:  I am currently Repulsive.9 1/2 .  The next stone brackets in a downward direction (I cannot bear to go the other way) will be:
Obese
Very Fat
Fat
Chubby
Plump
Normal

Obviously I’d like to be in the Normal bracket (the one under that would be Slim.  I’m really not that much of a dreamer to imagine I would ever, could ever get there) but to be honest, Plump would be fine.  Hell, Chubby would be fine.  Or, you know, any downward trajectory.

 
I think that I need to have made serious inroads into the Fat bracket to get into my winter coat before the chilly Autumn weather returns.  That’s a lot of lardage.  Into which I’m making little headroom. 
 
It could, of course, have been worse.  I could have put more on.  We do have a meal out this weekend but mostly it’s looking like a pretty clear week – let’s see if SoD can grant me a loss this week.
 
In other news: I didn’t get shortlisted for a job I really wanted.  There’s a long story here that explains my level of disappointment which I will not try your patience with, dear Reader, but it’s obviously compounded by the extremely unpleasant environment I’m increasingly desperate to escape.  And on top of feeling so low (for which read: fat) it was all a bit much.  I am very resilient and I will bounce back but things feel a bit bleak at the moment.
 
Which brings me on to telling the psychologist that I didn’t think it was worth continuing.  It was an awful session – firstly because we went over how I feel about my weight and appearance which is very hard and painful for me anyway.  And then she said she’d felt she’d failed and I was overwhelmed with guilt.  I was so upset that I had to practically sprint from her office and my legs still feel like jelly. 
 
Still, a four day weekend is just the tonic for most ills.  We may only manage one hike but it’s going to be a good one (fingers crossed for good weather) and there’s the whole four days off thing again which is pretty damn amazing.