It's been ages since I last wrote - and you can always assume from that that it's not going well. In fact I had got myself so worked up and in such a negative twisted spiral that I've just stopped to try and sort myself out a bit. I was consistently having a bar in the morning then falling prey to the smack table and so not having any further packs to compensate. It was seriously doing my head in - literally. I seemed to have nothing in between packs and binge. So, given that I was going to stop this Friday for a bit anyway, I actually stopped last Friday. I am trying to find some calm and moderate eating - which I am doing and doing much better than the faux packs diet - but still finding difficult, the lure of sugar is no less seductive with some fruit, veg and protein inside me. My fear was that I'd come off packs and eat everything in sight, thus compounding that pattern of behaviour where I'm either starving (packs) or binging. Especially since I'm essentially stopping to treat myself on my birthday before we go away - and I will be having carby stuff that day that I would ordinarily not have (really! There is a lot of denial in my diet - it probably just doesn't sound like it!) like scotch pancakes for breakfast which will be the kiss of death I know, as I will be hungry again about 2 hours afterwards but will thoroughly enjoy and will simply eat something else as nutritionally bankrupt when I get hungry again!
I have kept up the running. I even tried to up my runs - I'm currently doing 40 mins of run for 3 mins, walk for 1 min but I tried to alternate 4 mins and 3 mins run. I only managed 2 x 4 mins runs and on the third had to cut it to 3mins - and then needed to walk 2 mins to recover before I could run again and even then I could barely run I was so tired with such wobbly legs! Now, it was the day before my period started which is when I'm particularly tired and weak but even so, the level of exhaustion was still very pronounced and I've been too scared to try again since then. Again, I'll do my normal 3 runs this week but next week will only be 1 or 2 and then I'll be in Wales for the next 2 weeks. So currently, the plan is to come back from Wales, start running again (which I know from experience will be tough) and once I've got used to that again, then have another go at increasing the runs.
Bf got very narked with me this morning as I went out running in the rain. I thought I was being rather heroic and was rather impressed with myself but he was extremely annoyed and thought I was stupid and irresponsible (and worse words) as I just went in leggings and a t-shirt as normal. I did get quite wet but wasn't cold, but as he was leaving the flat - frothing at the mouth with irritation and crosspatchness - he was saying something technical about warmth/coldness which I didn't understand. He ran for the county as a teenager and knows alot more about it than I do (not hard!) and I think he makes the assumption that I know some of this stuff too. I really didn't think there was a problem in getting wet (apart from aesthetics!) but it sounds as if there might be - would rather he didn't get so angry with me about it though, I would have been happy to listen to advice. Have sent friendly email as an olive branch and hope he won't still be annoyed when he comes home tonight (but will fret about the prospect all day).
Monday, 18 August 2008
Thursday, 7 August 2008
Who needs men?
Met up with a friend last night - it's the first time we've properly got together and chatted and it was fabulous! I left on almost a high and despite going to buy bf pizza from M&S on the way home, managed to avoid all naughtiness - because I felt happy I think. Friend and I were joking that it was like a date - the whole actually getting together and would we get on or not thing - and I doubt that a mere man could give me that shot of happiness that a good girly chat can achieve.
Which is all the better as I had a particularly naughty day yesterday - I had a meeting first thing in a private company where they'd provided breakfast from Pret. If you work for the public sector you tend to have that student mentality around anything free and I had half a breakfast baguette, a muffin (let's be honest, a cake), a glass of apple juice and some fruit. Then had some sweets from the smack table and a few chocolates. So it was a pack-free and senseless day on the eating front. Must get back on track for these last couple of weeks. And I need to work out what I can do in the future - both to lose weight and to not put weight on. It's a big question and I don't feel equipped to answer. I know some of what I must NOT do but that doesn't make it any easier actually.
Which is all the better as I had a particularly naughty day yesterday - I had a meeting first thing in a private company where they'd provided breakfast from Pret. If you work for the public sector you tend to have that student mentality around anything free and I had half a breakfast baguette, a muffin (let's be honest, a cake), a glass of apple juice and some fruit. Then had some sweets from the smack table and a few chocolates. So it was a pack-free and senseless day on the eating front. Must get back on track for these last couple of weeks. And I need to work out what I can do in the future - both to lose weight and to not put weight on. It's a big question and I don't feel equipped to answer. I know some of what I must NOT do but that doesn't make it any easier actually.
Tuesday, 5 August 2008
Tough love - and dilemmas
So I was talking to Naughty R last night and was talking about why I have this emotional attachment to food and she said "You're just fucking greedy"! It made me laugh. Maybe she's right - but if so, why am I greedy when I know it causes me pain in the long run? Can't help thinking there's more to it than that but maybe I'm deluding myself.
Dilemma #1: I have seen a potential dress for my brother's wedding. I've only seen it in a supplement and I have no idea if it would actually suit me, although it looks promising. It's dark olive with a pale olive sash detail and I wanted to get some coloured clashing shoes - Naughty R suggested yellow, which would be perfect. I was passing a Hobbs this lunchtime and in their sale they have some gorgeous (if high) yellow peep toe shoes, reduced from £139 to £39. The dilemma is: do I get them and gamble on the dress being right or do I wait and gamble on being able to buy yellow shoes (as nice) later in the year? I dithered but the helpful sales assistant in the store said I could call them and have them set aside but of course when I DID call the unhelpful sales assistant (a different one) said not! Now I can't readily get them I'm stressing that the decision will be taken away from me.
Dilemma #2: Naughty R is keen for us to join a gym. In theory I'm quite interested - especially as there's one in between our offices that's £50 a week (and £39 joining fee) but only when I'm not paying £66pw for packs. But could I/should I still run? Or should I stick to the running? I don't enjoy it but my mother said she can see my thighs are slimmer and it's free. And should I join a gym at all? Hmmmm
LL class was annoying. The same two women massively monopolised the session and the rest of us just sat there whilst they talked and talked and talked about themselves. And the whole attitude of 'packs are good and healthy' annoys me. They're not healthy, they're a quick fix. Losing weight is obviously good for your health but that's where it stops. I know - and feel they should too - that the healthy way to lose weight is with a healthy diet and loads of exercise, it's just that that's bloody hard and takes alot of time, effort, focus and determination - none of which I have much of. I will NOT be incorporating packs into my life, long-term as was suggested - there's a new bar that the LLC said is for management. I queried why you'd want a bar on management and LLC said it's convenient to carry around. It's a crutch! Not a bar! A crutch! And not one I'd want. And it's covered in chocolate - how's THAT for twisted thinking, healthy? I don't think so - so let's not pretend otherwise. Phew, bit of a rant there.
Dilemma #1: I have seen a potential dress for my brother's wedding. I've only seen it in a supplement and I have no idea if it would actually suit me, although it looks promising. It's dark olive with a pale olive sash detail and I wanted to get some coloured clashing shoes - Naughty R suggested yellow, which would be perfect. I was passing a Hobbs this lunchtime and in their sale they have some gorgeous (if high) yellow peep toe shoes, reduced from £139 to £39. The dilemma is: do I get them and gamble on the dress being right or do I wait and gamble on being able to buy yellow shoes (as nice) later in the year? I dithered but the helpful sales assistant in the store said I could call them and have them set aside but of course when I DID call the unhelpful sales assistant (a different one) said not! Now I can't readily get them I'm stressing that the decision will be taken away from me.
Dilemma #2: Naughty R is keen for us to join a gym. In theory I'm quite interested - especially as there's one in between our offices that's £50 a week (and £39 joining fee) but only when I'm not paying £66pw for packs. But could I/should I still run? Or should I stick to the running? I don't enjoy it but my mother said she can see my thighs are slimmer and it's free. And should I join a gym at all? Hmmmm
LL class was annoying. The same two women massively monopolised the session and the rest of us just sat there whilst they talked and talked and talked about themselves. And the whole attitude of 'packs are good and healthy' annoys me. They're not healthy, they're a quick fix. Losing weight is obviously good for your health but that's where it stops. I know - and feel they should too - that the healthy way to lose weight is with a healthy diet and loads of exercise, it's just that that's bloody hard and takes alot of time, effort, focus and determination - none of which I have much of. I will NOT be incorporating packs into my life, long-term as was suggested - there's a new bar that the LLC said is for management. I queried why you'd want a bar on management and LLC said it's convenient to carry around. It's a crutch! Not a bar! A crutch! And not one I'd want. And it's covered in chocolate - how's THAT for twisted thinking, healthy? I don't think so - so let's not pretend otherwise. Phew, bit of a rant there.
Monday, 4 August 2008
Food is not the answer...
But I don't know what the right question is. I'm really grappling with why I'm finding it so hard to stay abstinent and why food seems to matter so much. I have lots of questions - which are basically all permutations of 'why?' - but no answers. I can say to myself that it's just food and it doesn't matter - but it does. But why? See what I mean... Anyone with any answers please let me know before I drive myself completely mad. It's quite disturbing.
So from this you will gather that I'm still doing my half pack, half food, completely un-nutritionally balanced version of the diet. I've lost a bit of weight but am still 3lbs up on where I was a couple of weeks ago. And it's really messing with my head (see above). I only have a week and a bit before I come off LL for almost a month and that doesn't help with the impetus to keep going. The trick will be not to go mad when I'm off LL - one thing that my current lack-lustre, half baked, off-plan foolishness has proven is that I don't need large quantities of food to get by, that's just greed.
I am still going on with the exercise though (and intend to carry that on, LL notwithstanding) - last week I did 3 x 40 mins runs (3 mins running, 1 min walking) and 2 x 45 min walks and I'm intending to do the same this week. This morning's run was the hardest one for a long time - I just felt exhausted and got a stitch about halfway through. Yesterday I had a pack first thing, then some popcorn that my 3 year old neice made me and 3 of her fizzy cola bottles, then about 4tsp of peanut butter and a small piece of brie in the evening followed by a final pack. Perhaps that's too bonkers a diet to run on and that's why it was so hard.
It's Naughty R's inaugral session at my LLC tonight - will be interesting to see what she makes of it. My time there will be much improved by her being there but I feel a bit mean that I'm only likely to do this Monday and next and then to disappear until 22 September. And that's if I can bear to go back. Which I will have to if I put too much weight on given that I've got my brother's wedding to the chav at the end of October and want a nice frock for the occasion.
So from this you will gather that I'm still doing my half pack, half food, completely un-nutritionally balanced version of the diet. I've lost a bit of weight but am still 3lbs up on where I was a couple of weeks ago. And it's really messing with my head (see above). I only have a week and a bit before I come off LL for almost a month and that doesn't help with the impetus to keep going. The trick will be not to go mad when I'm off LL - one thing that my current lack-lustre, half baked, off-plan foolishness has proven is that I don't need large quantities of food to get by, that's just greed.
I am still going on with the exercise though (and intend to carry that on, LL notwithstanding) - last week I did 3 x 40 mins runs (3 mins running, 1 min walking) and 2 x 45 min walks and I'm intending to do the same this week. This morning's run was the hardest one for a long time - I just felt exhausted and got a stitch about halfway through. Yesterday I had a pack first thing, then some popcorn that my 3 year old neice made me and 3 of her fizzy cola bottles, then about 4tsp of peanut butter and a small piece of brie in the evening followed by a final pack. Perhaps that's too bonkers a diet to run on and that's why it was so hard.
It's Naughty R's inaugral session at my LLC tonight - will be interesting to see what she makes of it. My time there will be much improved by her being there but I feel a bit mean that I'm only likely to do this Monday and next and then to disappear until 22 September. And that's if I can bear to go back. Which I will have to if I put too much weight on given that I've got my brother's wedding to the chav at the end of October and want a nice frock for the occasion.
Thursday, 31 July 2008
Attack of the killer arachnid
So last night I thought I'd have an early night as I was so tired. Bf was out boozing (which he'd probably call 'networking' or 'debreifing'). I headed into the bedroom at 9pm, switching the light on and pulled the curtains. And there was THE most enormous spider I've ever seen, skulking menacingly on the curtain. I ran top speed out of the room whilst my heart decided whether to stop altogether or beat at 800 beats per minute. It went for the latter and I swear all the hair on my head was on end. I used to be a real arachnophobe and had hypnotherapy to stop me going catatonic or into hysteria. So, I'm alot better but still extremely frightened. I managed to stay in the flat (quite an achievement) and as I'd had a text from bf to say he was on his way home at 8.50pm just called my mum to try and calm down. But at 9.30pm I had to ring bf to check where he was - I needed him home now. He was still in the pub but, to his credit, left immediately. He got home at 10.40pm and it was just as well he had some dutch courage - this thing was too big to catch with a beaker (his usual method), he had to use a pudding bowl. I am not kidding. He had to dismember it into several pieces to flush it down the sink. (I insist he kills them). Don't tell me they're more frightened of me than I am of them (my grandmother's phrase) because there's no way that's true - I'm terrified. But by the time I calmed down and got to bed (all my stuff to get ready is in the en suite beyond the bedroom) it was about 11.30pm - so much for my early night.
But, heroically, I got out of bed in time to walk along the Thames path this morning. This means that as long as I run tomorrow (and I can't at the moment come up with a compelling excuse to avoid it) I'll have run 3 times this week and walked in twice. It was not sunny so I probably looked slightly poncey in my sunglasses but I needed them to hide my nosiness in everyone. Most surreal experience was an exotic looking man playing an indescribably perky rendition of "If I Were a Rich Man" on the glockenspiel under a bridge.
Not doing so well on the pack front though. I keep picking (at protein and the odd bit of fruit so could be worse) and so forego my last 2 packs of the day to compensate. So yesterday I had a pack for breakfast, some ham, a bar and 2 nectarines for lunch and 2 slices of smoked salmon and 3 tsp of peanut butter for supper. I am trying to stick to the packs today (and henceforth) and not take the yummier option of substitution. Weight is not exactly dropping off me - only lost 3lbs of that 10lbs so far.
Good news is that Naughty R will be coming to LL with me for the next month - she wants one final push to get down to her goal weight. She has concerns though that as long as she knows she can starve herself on packs for a week and get a good loss (and she does have good results), she doesn't have a disincentive to binging. I take her point. And I don't know what the answer is. I definitely don't want to have a long-term relationship with packs. She'll be the perfect antidote to all the dippy-hippy, wishy-washy cod-psychology!
And my manager's boss asked me if I was pregnant today! She knows I don't want children and I think it's a pretty rude thing to ask someone, especially in a corridoor! I instantly felt fat of course but when I thought about it, I think it was motivated by nosiness (she is the biggest gossip) as I went off for a quick private meeting with my manager yesterday and she can't bear not to know what it's about (just some careers advice between us). Still seething gently over it though.
But, heroically, I got out of bed in time to walk along the Thames path this morning. This means that as long as I run tomorrow (and I can't at the moment come up with a compelling excuse to avoid it) I'll have run 3 times this week and walked in twice. It was not sunny so I probably looked slightly poncey in my sunglasses but I needed them to hide my nosiness in everyone. Most surreal experience was an exotic looking man playing an indescribably perky rendition of "If I Were a Rich Man" on the glockenspiel under a bridge.
Not doing so well on the pack front though. I keep picking (at protein and the odd bit of fruit so could be worse) and so forego my last 2 packs of the day to compensate. So yesterday I had a pack for breakfast, some ham, a bar and 2 nectarines for lunch and 2 slices of smoked salmon and 3 tsp of peanut butter for supper. I am trying to stick to the packs today (and henceforth) and not take the yummier option of substitution. Weight is not exactly dropping off me - only lost 3lbs of that 10lbs so far.
Good news is that Naughty R will be coming to LL with me for the next month - she wants one final push to get down to her goal weight. She has concerns though that as long as she knows she can starve herself on packs for a week and get a good loss (and she does have good results), she doesn't have a disincentive to binging. I take her point. And I don't know what the answer is. I definitely don't want to have a long-term relationship with packs. She'll be the perfect antidote to all the dippy-hippy, wishy-washy cod-psychology!
And my manager's boss asked me if I was pregnant today! She knows I don't want children and I think it's a pretty rude thing to ask someone, especially in a corridoor! I instantly felt fat of course but when I thought about it, I think it was motivated by nosiness (she is the biggest gossip) as I went off for a quick private meeting with my manager yesterday and she can't bear not to know what it's about (just some careers advice between us). Still seething gently over it though.
Tuesday, 29 July 2008
Walk - don't run.
This morning I hauled my baggy arse out of bed - on a non-running day - to partially walk in along the Thames path. It's only just under 2 1/2 miles but I still felt super-virtuous. And it's just soooo much more pleasant than running - I arrived at work feeling calm and quite happy after walking relatively briskly in the sunshine for c40mins. After a run I just feel relieved it's over! And sweat, puce etc But I'm sure there's no comparison in terms of calories burned and muscles firmed etc. What a shame that it doesn't really count as proper exercise.
It's great for people watching too. Lots of people walk along the path - mostly eastbound whereas I'm westbound so behind my sunnies I am gawping away. One thing I noticed was that all the runners had rictus grimaces of pain - clearly I am not the only person who finds it unenjoyable! I didn't see a single runner who looked as though they were enjoying it.
And I enjoy looking at what the women passing by wear - for instance, there was one girl who looked amazing in boyfriend jeans, an orange and white smocky shirt and silver flip-flops. I would look really fat in such an outfit - or really pregnant. Or probably both! But she looked the epitome of laid back, casual and fresh. Then there was a woman with great - if towering - wedge sandals. She was sitting down so I consoled myself that she hadn't actually walked there but got a taxi. And a woman with a top I liked so much I was tempted to ask where she got it (milk chocolate short-sleeved, round neck fine knit cardi with pale olive dahlia type flowers embroidered on it - any clues anyone?). Mind you, there was also a girl with a conservative outfit of white shirt and pale beige suit-style skirt - over knee length semi opaque black leggings - NOOOOO! I am also determined to go out at lunchtime and buy some denim capri pants (to just below the knee) having seen 2 girls look amazing in them - despite the fact that last time I tried on 3/4 length trousers I looked like Benny Hill whereas they were both on the elfin side.
There was an article in the Express today which was interesting, if worrisome. It pointed to a piece of research - the details of which wasn't included so may be statistically insignificant - which said that of women who had successfully lost weight, the one in four who kept the weight off over the next 2 years averaged 55 mins of exercise, 5 days a week! Oh, and they were better at sticking to diets (small aside thrown in there!). Whilst I am clearly not at maintenance stage, I can't see how I would manage that amount of exercise short of giving up my job (tempting but not financially viable)! It sounds horribly as if I would have to run every day, not three times a week, and for longer. Even so, 55 mins is not possible before work. I reckon I could - and should - manage 40 mins but I think that's my lot. That and a brief trot out at lunchtime should tick the box but it's that pesky average again. It means that some people are having to do much more than 55 mins - and I'm definitely genetically disadvantaged when it comes to weight loss etc! And 5 days a week - arggghhhh.
It's great for people watching too. Lots of people walk along the path - mostly eastbound whereas I'm westbound so behind my sunnies I am gawping away. One thing I noticed was that all the runners had rictus grimaces of pain - clearly I am not the only person who finds it unenjoyable! I didn't see a single runner who looked as though they were enjoying it.
And I enjoy looking at what the women passing by wear - for instance, there was one girl who looked amazing in boyfriend jeans, an orange and white smocky shirt and silver flip-flops. I would look really fat in such an outfit - or really pregnant. Or probably both! But she looked the epitome of laid back, casual and fresh. Then there was a woman with great - if towering - wedge sandals. She was sitting down so I consoled myself that she hadn't actually walked there but got a taxi. And a woman with a top I liked so much I was tempted to ask where she got it (milk chocolate short-sleeved, round neck fine knit cardi with pale olive dahlia type flowers embroidered on it - any clues anyone?). Mind you, there was also a girl with a conservative outfit of white shirt and pale beige suit-style skirt - over knee length semi opaque black leggings - NOOOOO! I am also determined to go out at lunchtime and buy some denim capri pants (to just below the knee) having seen 2 girls look amazing in them - despite the fact that last time I tried on 3/4 length trousers I looked like Benny Hill whereas they were both on the elfin side.
There was an article in the Express today which was interesting, if worrisome. It pointed to a piece of research - the details of which wasn't included so may be statistically insignificant - which said that of women who had successfully lost weight, the one in four who kept the weight off over the next 2 years averaged 55 mins of exercise, 5 days a week! Oh, and they were better at sticking to diets (small aside thrown in there!). Whilst I am clearly not at maintenance stage, I can't see how I would manage that amount of exercise short of giving up my job (tempting but not financially viable)! It sounds horribly as if I would have to run every day, not three times a week, and for longer. Even so, 55 mins is not possible before work. I reckon I could - and should - manage 40 mins but I think that's my lot. That and a brief trot out at lunchtime should tick the box but it's that pesky average again. It means that some people are having to do much more than 55 mins - and I'm definitely genetically disadvantaged when it comes to weight loss etc! And 5 days a week - arggghhhh.
Monday, 28 July 2008
A bit blue
No, I won't be writing porn - not that type of blue - but feeling a bit down. Which is ironic as the scales say I'm up. 10lbs up in fact. A week's worth of eating results in this - a cautionary tale for gluttons everywhere! I know I hit the chocolate in an insane way (no sordid details as I'm both ashamed and incredulous) but otherwise my choices were pretty sensible and there's NO WAY I have eaten 35,000 calories over and above what my body needs to tick over (working on the equation that 1lb in weight = 3,500 calories). I hope and assume that at least 7lbs of that is my glycogen going back on and that that will come off 3-4 days hence. It does rather beg the worrying question of what will happen when I'm back eating properly, full time? Clearly I can't allow that sort of lardage to zoom back on in that sort of timescale. Or at all actually.
Back on packs today and going to try and keep to the straight and narrow now until c25th August (a mere 4 weeks away) to lose the 10lbs and hopefully a further 11lbs to take me into the stone bracket I was in last week and on to the next stone bracket down. Which I'll ping straight back into when I start eating again! Arghhhh.
And things are bit pebbly with bf. Not as bad as rocky but we're basically not a good match in that I tend towards being a bit needy and clingy which is brought out by him being a bit of a cold fish. The cooler he is, the needier I get and the needier I get, the cooler and more detatched he gets. And he LOVES his work (lucky him) but that means that I feel very much a second fiddle - looooong days, boozy nights out 'networking' and calls, texts etc (he was texting from the bath which I determinedly didn't comment on).
I'm probably being ridiculous but I often feel that at best I irritate him and at worst, well.... put it like this, I never feel very secure. He would say that this is more about me than it is about him. He may be right but it doesn't make it any more comfortable, and right now I feel quite small and sad. Again, quite ironic since I'm actually quite big and sad. And feeling like this really triggers anxiety about my appearance. The only real enthusiasm I can think of from bf was me losing weight so if I feel he's being particularly cool and distant I feel a real need to lose weight and quick and demonstrably. I can see this is a bit skewed and warped but I guess it's actually quite useful while I am bulbous. If I were ever lithe and slim it might be more of a concern. I'm a sturdy girl though with a labrador like greed and so this is unlikely to ever be an issue!
So blue because of weight gain, blue because of bf and generally feeling quite frumpy and graceless. And ran very slowly this morning (due to not enough sleep because of fretting) and was definitely graceless as I puffed, hippo-like, around the park - no endorphin highs for me damnit. Perhaps I'll feel a bit brighter tomorrow if I get a good night's sleep tonight. Sorry for being so whingy.
Back on packs today and going to try and keep to the straight and narrow now until c25th August (a mere 4 weeks away) to lose the 10lbs and hopefully a further 11lbs to take me into the stone bracket I was in last week and on to the next stone bracket down. Which I'll ping straight back into when I start eating again! Arghhhh.
And things are bit pebbly with bf. Not as bad as rocky but we're basically not a good match in that I tend towards being a bit needy and clingy which is brought out by him being a bit of a cold fish. The cooler he is, the needier I get and the needier I get, the cooler and more detatched he gets. And he LOVES his work (lucky him) but that means that I feel very much a second fiddle - looooong days, boozy nights out 'networking' and calls, texts etc (he was texting from the bath which I determinedly didn't comment on).
I'm probably being ridiculous but I often feel that at best I irritate him and at worst, well.... put it like this, I never feel very secure. He would say that this is more about me than it is about him. He may be right but it doesn't make it any more comfortable, and right now I feel quite small and sad. Again, quite ironic since I'm actually quite big and sad. And feeling like this really triggers anxiety about my appearance. The only real enthusiasm I can think of from bf was me losing weight so if I feel he's being particularly cool and distant I feel a real need to lose weight and quick and demonstrably. I can see this is a bit skewed and warped but I guess it's actually quite useful while I am bulbous. If I were ever lithe and slim it might be more of a concern. I'm a sturdy girl though with a labrador like greed and so this is unlikely to ever be an issue!
So blue because of weight gain, blue because of bf and generally feeling quite frumpy and graceless. And ran very slowly this morning (due to not enough sleep because of fretting) and was definitely graceless as I puffed, hippo-like, around the park - no endorphin highs for me damnit. Perhaps I'll feel a bit brighter tomorrow if I get a good night's sleep tonight. Sorry for being so whingy.
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