Another week has slipped past. A week in which I have lost zilch. I have been pick, pick, picking at sugary snacks from the smack table. I have to stop this. I have some dates when I know I will be eating and/or drinking and apart from that I have to be super virtuous. I had wanted to lose another 7lbs by the end of the month and given that I have 2 days when I know I will have a meal (and another on 1 Dec) it's getting a bit iffy whether I'll make that. It's so hard though! I hate the packs and I keep having what I suspect is LL "crooked thinking" by wondering if I couldn't do it without the CD packs - a miso soup for lunch, a small piece of protein and some veg for supper (don't know what for breakfast). This would be much more pleasant and probably cheaper but could I really do it? Would I have to come back to CD, tail between (chubby) legs?
As it is, we had friends over for dinner on Saturday and I cooked. I really enjoyed the whole social experience of it - but my tolerance for wine seems to have dramatically fallen and I was quite light-headed. Will have to be ultra careful of that. I've never been someone who drinks until they're ill - I suffer quite enough with headaches anyway to want to induce more of them. So I knew what I could drink (pre LL) and that seems to have changed. I tried to cook reasonably healthily without penalising our friends - we had a warm squash salad to start, then beef cooked in beer with chestnuts and mushrooms with spiced red cabbage, pigs in blankets (admittedly not very healthy) and potato and celeriac mash, cheese (I had a smidgeon and I never bother with cheese biscuits anyway) and pears roasted in marsala with cinnamon and walnut marscapone cream. I deliberately didn't over cater and there's still loads left for the b/f to eat up. Mostly mash and cabbage so he'll have to embrace his Irish ancestry for that!
And it's our 'anniversary' tomorrow - only of when we had our first date (very juvenile) and we will have a meal together - b/f suggested a chinese takeaway since we first ate chinese together 14 years ago. It's not the healthiest choice (I had thought of going out for a big platter of fruits de mer) but it's more within our meagre and Christmas-anticipating budget. And I will make healthy choices (avoid rice especially - which I LOVE) and not being in a restaurant means not being tempted (and let's face it, giving in to temptation is something I do all too easily) by desserts. Then a work party on 29th - held by a private sector firm we use so there'll be free food and drink and un-squalid surroundings! We're very excited. That'll be fizz and canapes. And then my mother's birthday on 1st which IS going to be in a fish restaurant (Loch Fyne) and therefore easy to choose the path of virtue.
Although I have accepted that I can't be rigid and 100% pure about this diet any longer, equally I don't want it to become an excuse not to put my all into it the rest of the time. Even if I go for the non pack format (and I'm only thinking about that at this stage). Next time I write I want to be able to report that I'm being good and reaping the rewards. Hope you're all having a more uncomplicated journey at present. Any advice on whether my thinking is crooked or not would be really welcome, oh wise blogland pals.
Monday, 19 November 2007
Monday, 12 November 2007
AAAAAAaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggghhhhhhh
I'm having such a stressful and frustrating day - people being thoroughly blase and uninterested in totally missing their own deadlines which mean I'll miss mine. So I ate 6 biscuits from the smack table - 3 choc choc chip cookies and 3 choc covered biscuits. 6!! What's the point in resisting bloody chewing gum if I mess up like this? So now I'm really fed up - in both senses. Arrgghh
Day 19 CD - Manic Monday
Hmmm, I'm not blogging as much. Not good - for me, possibly good for you as I DO tend to witter on once I get on!
We had a meeting with our CDC last Wednesday - I was quite pleased as I'd lost 5 1/2lbs since starting CD, and of course 5lbs in the couple of days when I used some old LL packs. He kept saying "that's not much"! Even when I explained that I had very slow losses! And I haven't been 100% virtuous which is probably why I'm more relaxed about it. Weirdly, not being rigid has made me less neurotic. And my size 16 jeans are starting to be a little too big for comfort! Okay, they're probably a generous 16 but it's still good.
I've bought quite a few things from ebay in 16s as I really have nothing to wear (all my old stuff was size 20s - with a few 22s I'm afraid) but have still spent a fortune! Got alot for it but really don't have the money for this. I sold some stuff too but I'm still £ down! My friend R gave me a wonderful coat though - just as well as I looked like a bag lady and it's C-O-L-D. I don't think I'm in ketosis as my wee sticks remain stubbornly beige but I cannot get warm - I'm worried I'll actually lose a toe at this rate!
I think the ketosis thing is because although I've been very good in the last week I have been eating loads of sugar free gum - enough to make me blow up like a puffer fish and get bad tummy ache. Does this stop me? Of course not - it's sweet and it's legit (you can have some sugarfree gum on CD)! Except the ones I've been munching like a woman possessed - Wrigley watermelon, Wrigley strawberry and M&S berry - appear to have citric acid in them. I'm proud to say that it's been 2 days since my last gum - one day at a time! My name is Peridot and I am addicted to fruity chewing gum.....
Thanks for your kind comments about my last post. Things seem good with b/f mostly and I guess some rows are inevitable (as much as I do try and avoid them) but mustn't be allowed to get that nasty again. I do need to be less thin-skinned (and less floppy skinned but that's a whole other story!) and just enjoy the fact that he suddenly finds me attractive again. Men are superficial - this should not take me by surprise at the age of 37!
And to be fair, he had an old reel of film developed and there was a photo on there of me - I think - right at the start of LL and I looked dreadful. I had my favourite denim skirt on and I looked so fat it was quite shocking. If I'd not lost some weight I would have been devastated by that photo - as it is, it really made me see how far I've come. More than anything else I think. Although I'm now getting lots of compliments as people notice I'm slimmer - some are a bit odd like "You're so skinny". Er, no, a 16 is NOT skinny in anyone's book! And is that meant to be an accusation or a compliment? Coz it sounds a bit aggressive to me (maybe I'm being thin-skinned). Even when I get a shouted, gushing "You look AMAZING!" like I did today I get very embarrassed and self conscious and tend to go bright red (not a good look for a redhead) and shrug it off gracelessly. If only they'd be more discreet! But it IS nice to hear, even if I find it agonising at the time.
So, I've now lost over 3 1/2st and next goal is 4st and the one after that is to tip me into the next stone bracket down - hopefully by the end of the month. I even told b/f what I weighed now and what I started at! This is incredibly free and open for me - I've been so secretive about it all. I was joking and saying that I wanted to know when I weighed less than him and he pointed out that we'd both need to say what we weighed - it turns out I'm about 1 1/2 st less than him now - and even when he shifts the stone he wants to lose that will still make me lighter! I'm looking for an opportunity to sit in his lap..... (presumably I can't cut off his circulation if I weigh less than him??!)
We had a meeting with our CDC last Wednesday - I was quite pleased as I'd lost 5 1/2lbs since starting CD, and of course 5lbs in the couple of days when I used some old LL packs. He kept saying "that's not much"! Even when I explained that I had very slow losses! And I haven't been 100% virtuous which is probably why I'm more relaxed about it. Weirdly, not being rigid has made me less neurotic. And my size 16 jeans are starting to be a little too big for comfort! Okay, they're probably a generous 16 but it's still good.
I've bought quite a few things from ebay in 16s as I really have nothing to wear (all my old stuff was size 20s - with a few 22s I'm afraid) but have still spent a fortune! Got alot for it but really don't have the money for this. I sold some stuff too but I'm still £ down! My friend R gave me a wonderful coat though - just as well as I looked like a bag lady and it's C-O-L-D. I don't think I'm in ketosis as my wee sticks remain stubbornly beige but I cannot get warm - I'm worried I'll actually lose a toe at this rate!
I think the ketosis thing is because although I've been very good in the last week I have been eating loads of sugar free gum - enough to make me blow up like a puffer fish and get bad tummy ache. Does this stop me? Of course not - it's sweet and it's legit (you can have some sugarfree gum on CD)! Except the ones I've been munching like a woman possessed - Wrigley watermelon, Wrigley strawberry and M&S berry - appear to have citric acid in them. I'm proud to say that it's been 2 days since my last gum - one day at a time! My name is Peridot and I am addicted to fruity chewing gum.....
Thanks for your kind comments about my last post. Things seem good with b/f mostly and I guess some rows are inevitable (as much as I do try and avoid them) but mustn't be allowed to get that nasty again. I do need to be less thin-skinned (and less floppy skinned but that's a whole other story!) and just enjoy the fact that he suddenly finds me attractive again. Men are superficial - this should not take me by surprise at the age of 37!
And to be fair, he had an old reel of film developed and there was a photo on there of me - I think - right at the start of LL and I looked dreadful. I had my favourite denim skirt on and I looked so fat it was quite shocking. If I'd not lost some weight I would have been devastated by that photo - as it is, it really made me see how far I've come. More than anything else I think. Although I'm now getting lots of compliments as people notice I'm slimmer - some are a bit odd like "You're so skinny". Er, no, a 16 is NOT skinny in anyone's book! And is that meant to be an accusation or a compliment? Coz it sounds a bit aggressive to me (maybe I'm being thin-skinned). Even when I get a shouted, gushing "You look AMAZING!" like I did today I get very embarrassed and self conscious and tend to go bright red (not a good look for a redhead) and shrug it off gracelessly. If only they'd be more discreet! But it IS nice to hear, even if I find it agonising at the time.
So, I've now lost over 3 1/2st and next goal is 4st and the one after that is to tip me into the next stone bracket down - hopefully by the end of the month. I even told b/f what I weighed now and what I started at! This is incredibly free and open for me - I've been so secretive about it all. I was joking and saying that I wanted to know when I weighed less than him and he pointed out that we'd both need to say what we weighed - it turns out I'm about 1 1/2 st less than him now - and even when he shifts the stone he wants to lose that will still make me lighter! I'm looking for an opportunity to sit in his lap..... (presumably I can't cut off his circulation if I weigh less than him??!)
Monday, 5 November 2007
Day 12 CD
I NEVER thought I'd say this but I miss the LL packs! No, really! The CD ones are not as nice - wouldn't have thought that was humanly possible but there you go. Actually, that's a bit unfair as the soups are better but the shakes are very thin (a la LL vanilla versionI, chocolate etc) and the bars are rank (like all the original LL bars). The latter is especially disappointing as people rave about them. They do have real chocolate on and my CD buddy, R, has been carefully stripping the chocolate off, eating that and throwing the bar away! It's all the more odd as the packs are higher in calorie value (you only have 3 a day) so you'd expect them to taste better. My CDC (who's a bit of a chimp) swears that CD make the LL packs so I asked him why it would be good business sense to make a better product for a competitor than you formulate for your own business? That stumped him. Mind you, stumping him is not hard. But kind of fun (in an evil way).
The weight is slowly going down - by my scales I've lost the 7lbs I put on on holiday and have dropped a further 2-3lbs (depending on the day!). So that's good. But I ate on Saturday. Planned eating, I hasten to add. I decided I had to be less rigid - for the sake of my relationship principally - and accept that there would be the odd (very occasional) social occasion where I would need to eat. It makes me feel anxious about it but I'm determined not to stress about it. We had a friend over to see the fireworks on Saturday night and went to Carluccio's afterwards. I was very good - whilst I actually wanted a big plate of pasta, I actually had some parma ham to start and then a seabass fillet with a small tomato salsa (well, just c4 tomatoes cut in quarters with a smidgeon of onion) and about 3 roast baby new potatoes. But I'd made an apple crumble (popular request) and I did have some of that. Again, we had our guest there so I wasn't going to make a big deal about it. I made it with minimum sugar and a low GI topping - very little flour but oats and nuts. And I didn't have any ice cream with it like they did. In fact I deliberately got ice cream rather than cream as I'm pretty indifferent to it. And I had 2 left over LL packs as my only meal that day (lower cals than 2 CD ones and better tasting too) at 11am and then nothing until about 9.30pm! And now I'm back to the joyless existance of packs until our next social thing which isn't until 17th. And then I'm cooking for friends so have cunning lowest poss impact menu planned out.
I'm quite proud of myself though as I was ill last week and off work for 2 days (v unusual) but didn't use this as an excuse to cheat - rather as an opportunity, without the smack table luring me, to really stick to the straight and narrow. My CD buddy, R, was also ill but felt that she therefore deserved to eat what she wanted (that being scotch eggs, chocolate muffins and the like(it's always that kind of food, isn't it? Not tomatoes or lettuce or broccoli)). Not decrying her as we all have to face our own demons and deal with them as best we can. And she's a naughty, naughty girl anyway - I don't think she's ever stuck to a full week. But she's still lost over 2st and looks amazing - she's a very beautiful girl which always helps.
Had a very bad row with b/f yesterday. Sparked off by something and nothing - him being critical of my driving. He is very critical and I am a bad and reluctant driver who drove and felt I needed applause. It spiralled out of all control and recognition until he was seriously about to dump me. I rather thought these wouldn't happen when I lost weight since arguments often used to end up there, naive of me I guess. As it was, it kind of did again as I objected violently to him saying he was positive and supportive - about me losing weight. This is true but I rather flew off the handle and accused him of only valuing me according to my shape and size and said as long as I was slimmer I could be the most horrible person going - even sleeping around - and I'd still be better in his eyes than old fat, loyal, decent me. This made him cry (very rare) and basically say that was it, he just didn't care about me or anything to do with me any more, he didn't want to be with me and I was an evil, nasty, twisted person (I think he was afraid I would do this which I never, never would, I was just using it as an illustration of the nastiest thing I could think of). After a long time - and a fair amount of debasement from me I'm afraid - we did turn the corner and things are okay for the time being. I have to be less thin-skinned, he has to be more positive (not just about my weight loss). It all ended positively and ultimately - in, er, bed. Now I feel uncomfortable writing this as people I actually know in real life read this (only bestest friends) but this is a very rare occurence. Last time was probably c4 years ago - as he's always said he didn't find me sufficiently attractive to want to sleep with me. This makes me even more self-consious but assuming I passed the attractiveness test this time (obviously I was sucking in my stomach like mad (this is what he especially objected to before) and it's still a horrid, horrid thing) perhaps this will improve things between us. Especially after my misinterpreted comment.
We have our 2nd CD session this Wednesday. We have them fortnightly. The weighing in a public place thing won't come up for a month apparently but I'm just not doing that in any case. R isn't bothered but as CDC said, she can probably get away with it. Charming.
The weight is slowly going down - by my scales I've lost the 7lbs I put on on holiday and have dropped a further 2-3lbs (depending on the day!). So that's good. But I ate on Saturday. Planned eating, I hasten to add. I decided I had to be less rigid - for the sake of my relationship principally - and accept that there would be the odd (very occasional) social occasion where I would need to eat. It makes me feel anxious about it but I'm determined not to stress about it. We had a friend over to see the fireworks on Saturday night and went to Carluccio's afterwards. I was very good - whilst I actually wanted a big plate of pasta, I actually had some parma ham to start and then a seabass fillet with a small tomato salsa (well, just c4 tomatoes cut in quarters with a smidgeon of onion) and about 3 roast baby new potatoes. But I'd made an apple crumble (popular request) and I did have some of that. Again, we had our guest there so I wasn't going to make a big deal about it. I made it with minimum sugar and a low GI topping - very little flour but oats and nuts. And I didn't have any ice cream with it like they did. In fact I deliberately got ice cream rather than cream as I'm pretty indifferent to it. And I had 2 left over LL packs as my only meal that day (lower cals than 2 CD ones and better tasting too) at 11am and then nothing until about 9.30pm! And now I'm back to the joyless existance of packs until our next social thing which isn't until 17th. And then I'm cooking for friends so have cunning lowest poss impact menu planned out.
I'm quite proud of myself though as I was ill last week and off work for 2 days (v unusual) but didn't use this as an excuse to cheat - rather as an opportunity, without the smack table luring me, to really stick to the straight and narrow. My CD buddy, R, was also ill but felt that she therefore deserved to eat what she wanted (that being scotch eggs, chocolate muffins and the like(it's always that kind of food, isn't it? Not tomatoes or lettuce or broccoli)). Not decrying her as we all have to face our own demons and deal with them as best we can. And she's a naughty, naughty girl anyway - I don't think she's ever stuck to a full week. But she's still lost over 2st and looks amazing - she's a very beautiful girl which always helps.
Had a very bad row with b/f yesterday. Sparked off by something and nothing - him being critical of my driving. He is very critical and I am a bad and reluctant driver who drove and felt I needed applause. It spiralled out of all control and recognition until he was seriously about to dump me. I rather thought these wouldn't happen when I lost weight since arguments often used to end up there, naive of me I guess. As it was, it kind of did again as I objected violently to him saying he was positive and supportive - about me losing weight. This is true but I rather flew off the handle and accused him of only valuing me according to my shape and size and said as long as I was slimmer I could be the most horrible person going - even sleeping around - and I'd still be better in his eyes than old fat, loyal, decent me. This made him cry (very rare) and basically say that was it, he just didn't care about me or anything to do with me any more, he didn't want to be with me and I was an evil, nasty, twisted person (I think he was afraid I would do this which I never, never would, I was just using it as an illustration of the nastiest thing I could think of). After a long time - and a fair amount of debasement from me I'm afraid - we did turn the corner and things are okay for the time being. I have to be less thin-skinned, he has to be more positive (not just about my weight loss). It all ended positively and ultimately - in, er, bed. Now I feel uncomfortable writing this as people I actually know in real life read this (only bestest friends) but this is a very rare occurence. Last time was probably c4 years ago - as he's always said he didn't find me sufficiently attractive to want to sleep with me. This makes me even more self-consious but assuming I passed the attractiveness test this time (obviously I was sucking in my stomach like mad (this is what he especially objected to before) and it's still a horrid, horrid thing) perhaps this will improve things between us. Especially after my misinterpreted comment.
We have our 2nd CD session this Wednesday. We have them fortnightly. The weighing in a public place thing won't come up for a month apparently but I'm just not doing that in any case. R isn't bothered but as CDC said, she can probably get away with it. Charming.
Friday, 26 October 2007
Day 2 CD - struggling
I'm finding it really hard to get back to abstinence. It's being so hungry - coupled with the stress of being back at work with a vengence. I just have to put up with it I know this, but it's hard. No easier for having done it before either, unusually.
I've had a few more CD packs - the chocolate flavour bar last night which was not pleasant. Just about edible (and better than the LL ones with that dodgy white topping, bleurgh) but not the big treat I was hoping for. It might taste better after being in the fridge for a while I guess - and it might make good biscuits so I'm not abandoning it yet. And there are about 6 more bars to try so there may yet be a corker or two amongst them! I had a chocolate tetra for breakfast (a ready mixed shake) and it was quite nice - almost (with a healthy dose of imagination) like Frijj. And very convenient. I had it cold but I will try it hot too when I get my next fortnight's worth of packs. Then for lunch today I had the spicy tomato soup which was also quite nice - and lump free, hurrah! Another bar tonight.... Oh, I'm such a hedonist!
I have quite got used to people mentioning my weight now (in a nice way). Strange that it didn't happen until I lost 3st but now happens quite frequently. I'm learning to be gracious rather than panicking and brushing it off. I'm not perfect but I don't either rip someone's head off or run away - and this is progress!
A woman in my office asked me this morning how I'd lost weight as she said she needs to lose 5st (I'd have said more but hey). I don't actually like her but I felt that I ought to tell her to give her the chance to benefit as I undoubtedly have. I asked her not to mention it to anyone though. She has one of the worst diets of anyone I know - I used to sit near her and she really just ate alot of really nasty, trashy food. So on the negative side it might be quite a shock to her system but on the plus side I bet she'd have dramatic results. I told her about LL very briefly and said she should look at the website - this is as far as I'm prepared to go. I'm happy to chat to people but I really think this has to be something that you're ready to do - you can't be talked into it or press-ganged in any way.
I have to be on call tonight - it means a late night and an early morning tomorrow, irrespective of whether I'm actually busy or not, which is a bit of a danger point for wanting to eat (tiredness) as Mrs L will agree. But maybe by next week I'll be less inclined to eat anything that passes my path - ie I won't be so hungry (temptation will still be there I know).
Have a good weekend people out there in blog-land.
I've had a few more CD packs - the chocolate flavour bar last night which was not pleasant. Just about edible (and better than the LL ones with that dodgy white topping, bleurgh) but not the big treat I was hoping for. It might taste better after being in the fridge for a while I guess - and it might make good biscuits so I'm not abandoning it yet. And there are about 6 more bars to try so there may yet be a corker or two amongst them! I had a chocolate tetra for breakfast (a ready mixed shake) and it was quite nice - almost (with a healthy dose of imagination) like Frijj. And very convenient. I had it cold but I will try it hot too when I get my next fortnight's worth of packs. Then for lunch today I had the spicy tomato soup which was also quite nice - and lump free, hurrah! Another bar tonight.... Oh, I'm such a hedonist!
I have quite got used to people mentioning my weight now (in a nice way). Strange that it didn't happen until I lost 3st but now happens quite frequently. I'm learning to be gracious rather than panicking and brushing it off. I'm not perfect but I don't either rip someone's head off or run away - and this is progress!
A woman in my office asked me this morning how I'd lost weight as she said she needs to lose 5st (I'd have said more but hey). I don't actually like her but I felt that I ought to tell her to give her the chance to benefit as I undoubtedly have. I asked her not to mention it to anyone though. She has one of the worst diets of anyone I know - I used to sit near her and she really just ate alot of really nasty, trashy food. So on the negative side it might be quite a shock to her system but on the plus side I bet she'd have dramatic results. I told her about LL very briefly and said she should look at the website - this is as far as I'm prepared to go. I'm happy to chat to people but I really think this has to be something that you're ready to do - you can't be talked into it or press-ganged in any way.
I have to be on call tonight - it means a late night and an early morning tomorrow, irrespective of whether I'm actually busy or not, which is a bit of a danger point for wanting to eat (tiredness) as Mrs L will agree. But maybe by next week I'll be less inclined to eat anything that passes my path - ie I won't be so hungry (temptation will still be there I know).
Have a good weekend people out there in blog-land.
Thursday, 25 October 2007
Day 1 CD
Well, I'm back. And I'm HUNGRY. Today is the 3rd day on packs, but 1st day on CD packs. But I'll back-track a bit....
We had a wonderful holiday. And I put on 1/2st. I was okay with this as b/f said he usually reckons to put on a stone on holiday and so I was worried it would be that for me too (as it is he also put on 1/2st). I was careful-ish - I certainly didn't stint myself but I didn't go mad either. I barely drunk but there were a few set meals we had where I felt decidedly over-full afterwards, uncomfortably so. I enjoyed eating so much though! That's I really enjoyed eating, not I enjoyed eating everything in sight! The only thing I really, really resented was the night before we flew when it was too much money and effort to get to a Pizza Express (taxi ride to unknown shopping centre somewhere in Luton) and so we ended up eating in the hotel (Holiday Inn Express) where the food was DIRE. Really, it's shocking that there are still places dishing up that muck - Tesco economy range would have been healthier and tastier. The only thing I could find that wasn't deep-fried in lard was a vegetable lasagne and it was both slimy and tasteless. And really visually unappealling (which I guess kind of gave a clue as to how it would taste). But otherwise I loved most of the food in Turkey - Istanbul was surprisingly lack-lustre for food but Kalkan was fantastic (one duff meal but the local cats were made happy as a result). Sadly, our local GBK was not open when we got back so my salivating anticipation will have to continue (sorry Mrs L!)!
I started with some left over LL packs on Monday and on Tuesday I was due to meet my CDC. She was running a session at lunchtime in Oxford Street. I didn't want to panic about not being able to get out at lunchtime on my first day back in the office so I took that day off as leave too. So how annoyed was I when I got there to discover that she wasn't there. We nearly ended up in a bible class instead (so not my thing and judging by the lady who was taking the class, not a good tool for a slim lifestyle!)! I had to ring the CDC who - despite me emailing her on my last day in the office to say I wouldn't be in email contact until after the session, and to text any changes to me - had in fact emailed me whilst I was away to say that that session had closed! Grrrrr. And R (who absconded from LL with me) had met me on her lunch-hour and fallen over on the way to meet me so she was none too pleased either. The CDC put us in touch with another CDC who we met last night in Starbucks. Not ideal. He (and it's quite strange having a bloke do this job) was definitely lack-lustre but I'm not too bothered about that - I only need the packs and WI and the rest (support, success strategies, learning from failure etc) R and I can do by ourselves. But this has already fallen down - how do you do a WI in a cafe? He doesn't have a premises and R and I live in opposite directions in London so it has to be central. We both hopped on scales in Boots before we met CDC - but in boots and coats which made us both 9lbs heavier than our first-thing-in-the-morning WI at home so I'm loath to use this every week. He has portable scales but not really something you want to do in a Starbucks. So, not quite sure yet how to get round that one... And the goal weights he set (BMI 23) were a stone different (heavier) to the LL BMI 23 - strange. But again, I'm not going to let this bother me as I'm intending to go back to LL for RtM and Management.
Had 2 packs so far today (only 3 on CD remember) - chocolate orange (hot) and chicken and mushroom soup. The shake was okay - smelt lovely but had an odd aftertaste (metallic/powdery almost slightly fishy) which I believe you get used to and I managed to get it down so that was fine. The soup was nicer than either LL chicken or mushroom - it actually smelt strongly of stuffing (Paxo cheapo stuffing but I quite like that!) but it had socking great lumps in it. Strange, as I made it in the same way as an LL soup but maybe I just need a bit of practice. I have a bar for tonight (I'm at my mum's) which I have high hopes for as lots of people say they're really nice. And a ready mixed tetra for tomorrow (chocolate) which is useful as when I'm at my mum's it's always difficult to get a pack mixed up right.
And as of this morning on my home scales I had lost 6lbs of the 7lbs I had put on on holiday - hurrah! But it's hard today - I'm really hungry and the smack table is full of chocolatey treats. I went and got 2 chocolate crisps - and then gave them away rather than eat them myself. I wish I had a willpower of steel and a lean, mean un-hungry stomach. Amongst other things!
We had a wonderful holiday. And I put on 1/2st. I was okay with this as b/f said he usually reckons to put on a stone on holiday and so I was worried it would be that for me too (as it is he also put on 1/2st). I was careful-ish - I certainly didn't stint myself but I didn't go mad either. I barely drunk but there were a few set meals we had where I felt decidedly over-full afterwards, uncomfortably so. I enjoyed eating so much though! That's I really enjoyed eating, not I enjoyed eating everything in sight! The only thing I really, really resented was the night before we flew when it was too much money and effort to get to a Pizza Express (taxi ride to unknown shopping centre somewhere in Luton) and so we ended up eating in the hotel (Holiday Inn Express) where the food was DIRE. Really, it's shocking that there are still places dishing up that muck - Tesco economy range would have been healthier and tastier. The only thing I could find that wasn't deep-fried in lard was a vegetable lasagne and it was both slimy and tasteless. And really visually unappealling (which I guess kind of gave a clue as to how it would taste). But otherwise I loved most of the food in Turkey - Istanbul was surprisingly lack-lustre for food but Kalkan was fantastic (one duff meal but the local cats were made happy as a result). Sadly, our local GBK was not open when we got back so my salivating anticipation will have to continue (sorry Mrs L!)!
I started with some left over LL packs on Monday and on Tuesday I was due to meet my CDC. She was running a session at lunchtime in Oxford Street. I didn't want to panic about not being able to get out at lunchtime on my first day back in the office so I took that day off as leave too. So how annoyed was I when I got there to discover that she wasn't there. We nearly ended up in a bible class instead (so not my thing and judging by the lady who was taking the class, not a good tool for a slim lifestyle!)! I had to ring the CDC who - despite me emailing her on my last day in the office to say I wouldn't be in email contact until after the session, and to text any changes to me - had in fact emailed me whilst I was away to say that that session had closed! Grrrrr. And R (who absconded from LL with me) had met me on her lunch-hour and fallen over on the way to meet me so she was none too pleased either. The CDC put us in touch with another CDC who we met last night in Starbucks. Not ideal. He (and it's quite strange having a bloke do this job) was definitely lack-lustre but I'm not too bothered about that - I only need the packs and WI and the rest (support, success strategies, learning from failure etc) R and I can do by ourselves. But this has already fallen down - how do you do a WI in a cafe? He doesn't have a premises and R and I live in opposite directions in London so it has to be central. We both hopped on scales in Boots before we met CDC - but in boots and coats which made us both 9lbs heavier than our first-thing-in-the-morning WI at home so I'm loath to use this every week. He has portable scales but not really something you want to do in a Starbucks. So, not quite sure yet how to get round that one... And the goal weights he set (BMI 23) were a stone different (heavier) to the LL BMI 23 - strange. But again, I'm not going to let this bother me as I'm intending to go back to LL for RtM and Management.
Had 2 packs so far today (only 3 on CD remember) - chocolate orange (hot) and chicken and mushroom soup. The shake was okay - smelt lovely but had an odd aftertaste (metallic/powdery almost slightly fishy) which I believe you get used to and I managed to get it down so that was fine. The soup was nicer than either LL chicken or mushroom - it actually smelt strongly of stuffing (Paxo cheapo stuffing but I quite like that!) but it had socking great lumps in it. Strange, as I made it in the same way as an LL soup but maybe I just need a bit of practice. I have a bar for tonight (I'm at my mum's) which I have high hopes for as lots of people say they're really nice. And a ready mixed tetra for tomorrow (chocolate) which is useful as when I'm at my mum's it's always difficult to get a pack mixed up right.
And as of this morning on my home scales I had lost 6lbs of the 7lbs I had put on on holiday - hurrah! But it's hard today - I'm really hungry and the smack table is full of chocolatey treats. I went and got 2 chocolate crisps - and then gave them away rather than eat them myself. I wish I had a willpower of steel and a lean, mean un-hungry stomach. Amongst other things!
Wednesday, 3 October 2007
Day 100 - still more munter than minx! Work in progress...
Day 100. I can hardly believe I've got here. The last few days have not been exemplary, with the smack table tempting me to the odd handful of popcorn or chocolatey treat. I really feel that the impetus from LL is long-gone - my LLC lost interest on day 91 and I've really struggled since that point. Which is feeble. On the plus side, it would be all too easy to just abandon it completely in anticipation, which I haven't done; I have persevered up to a point. This sounds like a litany of excuses, even to me. But I am giving myself some slight credit for not abandoning the packs completely and not being as hard on myself as I traditionally am.
I had put on 1.3lb on Monday - I hadn't expected it but was determined not to let it throw me into my usual fug of despondency. Overall I've pretty much stuck to it and I've lost 3st4lbs (maybe a fraction more when I do my last @home WI tomorrow morning). I'm (mostly) 2 dress sizes smaller and although - as I say - I don't feel slim (I'm not) or attractive, I know I look better than I did (well, dur!) and I will continue with weight loss when I get home again. My LLC was totally disinterested. I won't miss her at all! I LOVED your comment on this, Lesley! It would certainly be getting rid of I guess about 12st of superfluous weight, to paraphrase the joke!
Tomorrow we're off as far as the hotel at Luton airport (not glamorous but since our flight is at 6.30am!!!!!!! it's necessary to be as close as possible) and we're going to Pizza Express for dinner. Not sure what I'll do during the day, may well continue with packs actually as a damage limitation exercise! Pizza Express seems to be what passes for haute cuisine in Luton - I couldn't find any mention of any decent restaurant, it was that or Nandos (which b/f violently objected to). Pizza Express won't give any calorie content of their dishes! I emailed them too as there was nothing on their website! I have read in various newspaper articles on being lulled into thinking you're making healthy choices that you actually aren't, that a plainish pizza is actually better than one of their salads but given the whole carb thing, I'm not so sure that's going to be true for me. And I assume that this is counting the dough balls with the salad which I won't eat. So I think I am going to go for a salad after all.
Then we're off to Istanbul until Monday and then to a coastal town in Turkey for 10 days. I'm intending to eat but carefully, which is relatively easy in Turkey where alot of the meat and fish is BBQ'd with salads - they're not big on rich sauces etc (thank goodness we're not going to Italy, France or the US!). They do have lovely bread sometimes though - but on those occasion when I really can't resist I'll just have a little taster. Basically I don't want to wreck my holiday (and b/f's) by being uptight about food but don't want to totally wreck the weight loss I've had by going mad. It's a fine line I'm trying to walk!
And the other deviation to this is dim sum for lunch when we get back (it's a traditional consolation prize for end of holidays) and they're opening a GBK in our local shopping spot. I have been fantasizing about a decent burger since I started LL and then I read about GBK on Mrs L's website and I have pretty much been obsessed with it since then - I've never been there, only to Hamburger Union which is wonderful and GBK is supposed to be better! I guess it's that last supper thing again. Because on Sunday 21st it's back on packs ready to meet my CDC on Tuesday lunchtime (somewhat ironically) and pick up my first CD packs.
I know that hard-core LLers wouldn't approve of any of this but if I went on holiday and only had packs I would make myself and my b/f thoroughly miserable. In fact I think it would cause real damage to our relationship. I'm happy with my decision and am prepared to put on maybe even half a stone - and then knuckle down to losing it and more.
I hope that all the lovely people who kindly read this drivel have a wonderful 3 weeks - I look forward to catching up with peoples' stories when I get back to a computer on 24th.
I had put on 1.3lb on Monday - I hadn't expected it but was determined not to let it throw me into my usual fug of despondency. Overall I've pretty much stuck to it and I've lost 3st4lbs (maybe a fraction more when I do my last @home WI tomorrow morning). I'm (mostly) 2 dress sizes smaller and although - as I say - I don't feel slim (I'm not) or attractive, I know I look better than I did (well, dur!) and I will continue with weight loss when I get home again. My LLC was totally disinterested. I won't miss her at all! I LOVED your comment on this, Lesley! It would certainly be getting rid of I guess about 12st of superfluous weight, to paraphrase the joke!
Tomorrow we're off as far as the hotel at Luton airport (not glamorous but since our flight is at 6.30am!!!!!!! it's necessary to be as close as possible) and we're going to Pizza Express for dinner. Not sure what I'll do during the day, may well continue with packs actually as a damage limitation exercise! Pizza Express seems to be what passes for haute cuisine in Luton - I couldn't find any mention of any decent restaurant, it was that or Nandos (which b/f violently objected to). Pizza Express won't give any calorie content of their dishes! I emailed them too as there was nothing on their website! I have read in various newspaper articles on being lulled into thinking you're making healthy choices that you actually aren't, that a plainish pizza is actually better than one of their salads but given the whole carb thing, I'm not so sure that's going to be true for me. And I assume that this is counting the dough balls with the salad which I won't eat. So I think I am going to go for a salad after all.
Then we're off to Istanbul until Monday and then to a coastal town in Turkey for 10 days. I'm intending to eat but carefully, which is relatively easy in Turkey where alot of the meat and fish is BBQ'd with salads - they're not big on rich sauces etc (thank goodness we're not going to Italy, France or the US!). They do have lovely bread sometimes though - but on those occasion when I really can't resist I'll just have a little taster. Basically I don't want to wreck my holiday (and b/f's) by being uptight about food but don't want to totally wreck the weight loss I've had by going mad. It's a fine line I'm trying to walk!
And the other deviation to this is dim sum for lunch when we get back (it's a traditional consolation prize for end of holidays) and they're opening a GBK in our local shopping spot. I have been fantasizing about a decent burger since I started LL and then I read about GBK on Mrs L's website and I have pretty much been obsessed with it since then - I've never been there, only to Hamburger Union which is wonderful and GBK is supposed to be better! I guess it's that last supper thing again. Because on Sunday 21st it's back on packs ready to meet my CDC on Tuesday lunchtime (somewhat ironically) and pick up my first CD packs.
I know that hard-core LLers wouldn't approve of any of this but if I went on holiday and only had packs I would make myself and my b/f thoroughly miserable. In fact I think it would cause real damage to our relationship. I'm happy with my decision and am prepared to put on maybe even half a stone - and then knuckle down to losing it and more.
I hope that all the lovely people who kindly read this drivel have a wonderful 3 weeks - I look forward to catching up with peoples' stories when I get back to a computer on 24th.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)